Give Me The Rock

Nels, seeing that I am a person of unmatched integrity, I would never (go out of my way to) pilfer your clever material. But The Last X-Man Standing struck a chord with me. Not only is that a movie I would pay to see - and I don’t pay to see many movies if you know what I mean – but like a truly good song, I can’t get the damn thing out of my head. So, if you’ll bear with my bastardization of your original idea, I have some last minute additions to the cast of Last X-Man Standing, or, if your movie has a huge opening weekend, the cast of Last X2-Man Standing.

I don’t know why my cast additions all happen to be Pistons. Maybe they have me on the payroll. Impressively, I also believe the cast of this movie would cost more than the Knicks’ entire roster.

Ben Wallace as The Beast (well, at least he has a college degree)

Tayshaun Prince as Angel (look at that length!)

Rip Hamilton as Cyclops

This week, we celebrate a long holiday weekend with The Last X-Man Standing.

Once again, from IMDB:

In The Last X-Man Standing, the second-to-last chapter in the X-Men playoff picture, a “cure” for bigmanicy threatens to alter the course of history. For the first time, bigmen have a choice: retain their uniqueness, through isolatations and alienation, or give up their powers and become part of a running team. The opposing viewpoints of bigmen leaders Charles Xavier (Avery Johnson), who preaches finesse and defense, and Magneto (Pat Riley), who believes in the survival of the fittest, are put to the ultimate test – triggering the war to end all wars.

Starring:

Dirk as Wolverine

Pat Riley as Magneto

Avery Johnson as Professor X

Shaq as Juggernaut

Dwyane Wade as Pyro

Tim Thomas as Dark Phoenix

Boris Diaw as Mystique
(check that photoshopping, baby!)

and

George Gervin as Iceman
(what, you thought I was going to pass up something that easy?)

YAYSports may not care about the players being draft a month from now… but if you’re really looking to win a fantasy league, you should probably start caring. Now. Or at least, soon.

So, here is a quick draft 2006 primer, from my best friend in the world, who I talk to every night on the phone until we fall asleep, Brendan McGovern.

Part 1 of this article looked at the top 11 - 20 fantasy seasons of the past 26 years, with notable guest appearances by Magic Johnson, David Robinson, Kevin Garnett, and Kobe Bryant. Now, here is the rest of the list, only with a cool top 10 countdown this time (as before, standardized scores in parenthesis).

10. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 1980, (9.6)
9. Michael Jordan, 1993, (9.7)
8. Hakeem Olajuwon, 1993, (10.0)
7. Larry Bird, 1985, (11.2)
6. Michael Jordan, 1990, (11.3)
5. Larry Bird, 1988, (11.5)
4. Larry Bird, 1986, (11.6)
3. Michael Jordan, 1989, (11.6)
2. Michael Jordan, 1988, (11.7)
1. Larry Bird, 1987, (11.9)

Hmmm. There are two things on this list not like the others… I wonder what they are?

Oh, what could have been? Abdul-Jabbar had some truly awesome looking seasons from 70 – 78, but since we’re only going back to the 79-80 season, it looks like he’ll have to live with #10. Even at 32, Abdul-Jabbar was able to average 24.8/10.8/4.5 and shoot 60% from the field with 3.4 blocks a game. Too bad all I remember of Kareem is a dorky old bald guy with short shorts who decided to sport some slick alienish looking goggles on the court.

Hakeem Olajuwon, last seen with the 19th best season, makes the list again with his 1993 season. He basically averaged slightly more blocks and rebounds in 1993 than in 1994. And that’s all I have to say about Olajuwon.

Remember the video game, Jordan vs. Bird? I loved the slam dunk contest… HERE COMES A DOCTOR J! Anyway, the list finishes off with a little Jordan vs. Bird action. They both appear four times, basically trading off spots (Jordan at 2, 3, 6, and 9 and Bird at 1, 4, 5, and 7). Jordan, version 1988 to 1990, averaged about 34/7/7 with 3 steals and close to a block a game. On the other hand, Larry Legend, version 1985 to 1988, averaged 28/9.5/7 with a crazy amount of 3’s (for the time) and close to 2 steals and a block a game. Bird is also the ONLY player in the past 2+ decades to have positive contributions in each of the 8 categories, which is basically saying that he was better than the average fantasy starter in every facet of the game. And he did it not only once, which still would have been amazing, but three different years (1983, 1985, and 1987). That’s just insane.

So, there are the top 20 fantasy seasons of recent history. I’ll play out the question of Jordan vs. Bird later. Maybe a little game of one-one-one would settle it?

Oh, and I said I would tell you which two top 50 players were really hurt by including turnovers in the calculations. They would be Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley.

For those who were put off by the Pistons perceived entitlement to a trip to the Finals. Or those who just like Wade.

If anyone wants to improve on it (say, the font, or the Wade cut out), feel free to do so, and you can send it back to me. midPhase says I have unmetered bandwidth, so hosting is not a problem.

*Ever means since 1979.

While waiting for LeBron to drive to the basket AGAIN, I thought I’d start out my time at Give Me the Rock with the audacious task of ranking the top 20 greatest fantasy seasons of all time (and by proxy, the top fantasy players of all time). But as my momma always said, “go f**king balls out, or don’t go at all bitch”. I might be paraphrasing there.

I’ll keep this part short, but I basically created standardized rankings for every player in each season from 1979-1980 through 2006 (the years of available statistics). The scores were calculated on a per game basis and based upon a 10 team, 8 (and 9) category roto league, which means that I ranked players both with and without turnovers included. Including turnovers didn’t have that much effect on the results, so in the final results, I left them out. Only two players who fell in the top 50 were particularly affected when including turnovers. Who are they? Kudos to you if you can guess. I’ll tell you in the part 2 of this article. Players with less than 10 games played were not ranked (bye 2005 Ron Artest) and adjusted for games played (bye 1981 Magic Johnson).

Let’s start the countdown with the 11-20 ranked fantasy seasons since 1979-1980. Ratings in parenthesis.

11. Michael Jordan, 1987, (9.5)
12. Michael Jordan, 1991, (9.2)
13. Magic Johnson, 1989, (9.0)
14. David Robinson, 1994, (8.9)
15. Kevin Garnett, 2004, (8.7)
16. David Robinson, 1995, (8.6)
17. Larry Bird, 1983, (8.6)
18. Kobe Bryant, 2003, (8.5)
19. Hakeem Olajuwon, 1994, (8.5)
20. David Robinson, 1991, (8.4)

Michael Jordan, as you can imagine, shows up again in the top 10, so I won’t spend too much time on him. Surprisingly, Magic’s highest showing is at number 13. Seeing how he was a triple-double machine, I expected to see him higher. Magic’s 1989 season was his finest fantasy wise, where he averaged 22.5 points, 7.9 rebounds, and 12.8 assists (take that Steve Nash!). He also shot 91% from the free throw line. It was his blocks (only 0.3 a game in 1989) that kept him from being ranked higher that year and throughout his career.

David Robinson’s best season was in 1994, when he averaged just about 30 points a game. He also shows up at number 16 and 20. I knew Robinson was great player, but the only fantasy game I was playing back then was final fantasy, so I had no idea what a fantasy monster he was for about 6 years. Interestingly enough, his stats mimic those more recently of Tim Duncan, although Robinson’s free-throw percentage was actually pretty decent.

I think that it’s safe to say that Kevin Garnett peaked as a fantasy player in 2004. Am I assuming too much saying that it’s downhill from here? Larry Bird is another guy you might be seeing again, so we’ll skip over him for now. Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. There was a lot of talk about his scoring this year (he ended up with a 7.8 rating, which puts his 2006 at #30), but he was actually better in 2003. That made me a little curious, so I compared his 2003 to 2006. FT%, FG% were exactly the same. He also hit more 3’s and scored 5 points more a game in 2006. It was his assists, steals, and blocks this year that all went down from his career averages (and way down since 2003). Obviously, not playing with Shaq could be a cause for the drop. But, the jury’s still out on the Kobe “scoring machine” era and whether it will be a net positive or net negative on his fantasy game. He’ll make an interesting fantasy pick next year.

Finally, Olajuwon did all the things that a boring franchise big man should do and in 1994 he had a year where everything came together and won an MVP, a finals MVP, and a championship for his trouble.

So, that is the rundown from 11 to 20. Coming next, the top 10.

In case you couldn’t tell from the INCREDIBLY clear title… I’m declaring a start to the summer movie blockbuster season (sorry, M-I:III doesn’t count since I have a ban on Tom Cruise).

So, to celebrate, I’m starting off this season with: The Da Vinci Call. I’m sure Basketbawful could tell you that a Da Vinci call is a charging foul that you’re not really sure about, but when you actually see it, it’s definitely a flop. BURN.

Heeeeeeere we go!

[Ganked from IMDB (and changed a little)]
While in Los Angeles on business, Suns point guard Robert Langdon (Steve Nash) receives an urgent late-night phone call: the elderly curator of the Staples Center has been murdered inside the museum. Near the body, police have found a baffling cipher. Solving the enigmatic riddle, Langdon is stunned to discover it leads to a trail of clues hidden in the works of Da Vinci - clues visible for all to see, and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter. Langdon joins forces with a gifted French cryptologist, Sophie Neveu (Tony Parker), and learns the late curator was involved in the Phoenix of Suns - an actual secret society. In a breathless race through LA, Phoenix and beyond (maybe), Langdon and Neveu match wits with a faceless powerbroker who appears to work for the NBA - a clandestine, Vatican-sanctioned Catholic organization believed to have long plotted to seize the Phoenix’s secret. Unless Langdon and Neveu can decipher the labyrinthine puzzle in time, the Priory’s secret - and a stunning historical truth - will be lost forever.

The Da Vinci Call
starring

Steve Nash as Robert Langdon (check the hair)

Tony Parker as Sophie Neveu

Chris Kaman as Silas and Mike Dunleavy as Bishop Aringarosa

Can you crack the code?