Give Me The Rock

Give Me The Rock is 2 years old!

And all I could find was that crappy cake picture.

Well, and this one, but it sucks too.

Seriously. It’s $30 million over five years, to which the Wizards still have a right to match. It’s fun to watch some Knicks fans explain that this is a good move because it’s not as stupid as some of Isiah’s other moves.

However, what makes this offer hilarious is a point brought forth in a post (#11) at this Knicks Forum.

Since the Knicks are over the luxury tax threshold and will have to pay a tax on his contract as long as they remain over the limit, in actuality it’s like they signed Jeffries to a five year, $60 million offer.

The only plausible explanation that I can think of this that Isiah Thomas knows he’s going to be fired and is attempting to sabotage the team for as long as he possibly can.

Go to YouTube, search the word “basketball”, sort by ratings, and the video below turns up at the top of the list:

Personally, the video cuts totally ruined it for me. Sure, if the kid made like 20 in a row, I’d be impressed. But, two? Come on? The guy probably sat there for 2 days waiting for his kid to make two in a row. This is the top rated video?

Number two on the list is a basketball trailer called Basketball Man Trailer (points for originality there!). It looks like a documentary that follows James Naismith’s grandson and his quest to enlighten the masses about his grandfather’s impact on the game (you know, creating it and all). Yes, the trailer totally bastardizes Eminem’s 8-mile and the ending of the trailer is total cheese, but overall, it worked for me. I mean, it did its job by actually getting me somewhat excited to see this documentary (and I don’t watch many).

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum (I think Naismith’s grandson actually was complaining about this stuff) we have the number 3 ranked “basketball” video on YouTube: Killercross Tour - Hot Sauce. There’s some pretty decent basketball here (including multiple off the head moves – to which I wonder how I’d personally defend those), but overall, the actual guy “hot sauce” isn’t any better than some of the guys that schooled me when I played high school ball.

Feel free to skip this paragraph if you’re not interested, but as an aside, I went to high school in eastern Connecticut (close to Foxwoods – only it wasn’t there until after I left). If you’re not from the area, eastern Connecticut is a fairly rural area consisting solely of preppy white boys like myself. For example, the center on our high school basketball team was 6’2’’ and I was the 6 foot power forward (kind of like a white Barkley without the ass). For the most part, we happily coexisted among the other preppy white boy teams in our area, but at least once a year, the Athletic Director sadistically scheduled us against a team from some Western Connecticut city, like Hartford. You know, teams who had 7 foot black guys who could rain dunks on our sorry asses. And we would get absolutely demolished in that game, guys would be dunking on us from the foul line, we’d get about 4 rebounds the entire game, and the score would end up 97 to 20. Anyway, “Hot Sauce” reminded me of those guys.

Since I post on a 7 day per week schedule, Thursday still counts as the middle of the week for me. Despite that (or perhaps because of that), only 3 links is pretty weak. These are good links, though. That’s what people pawn off as quality over quantity.

QUALITY:

NBA.com’s Rick Kamla talking about the rookies playing in summer league. Good for your fantasy basketball needs.

Highlights:

Aldridge, who would be a junior at Texas this season, is at least two years away from becoming a double-double guy every night, but he’s already a professional shot blocker.

Morrison averaged 24.6 points in 29.2 minutes, which is awesome. However, he averaged 2.6 rebounds, 2.0 assists, 0.4 blocks, and 0.2 steals, and I’m convinced that’s more trend than mirage. Get ready for this one- or two-category player to be overrated in fantasy drafts this fall.

After what I saw in Vegas, two things are blatantly obvious. One, Roy will probably win ROY this year. Two, he may go down as the signature player from this draft.

The Sonics took this human pogo stick [Saer Sene] from the Senegal to block shots and he averaged a league-high 3.8 swats at the RMR. Yahtzee.

Watching Rondo load the box score with seemingly every category took me back to the days of Alvin Robertson and Fat Lever, who made five-steal games look routine. Rondo’s defensive game is already at the pro level (2.2 steals per game in Vegas) and he even mixed in a game-winning three in Boston’s VSL finale. I am so-so-so-so-sold on Rondo.

Kyle Lowry, Grizzlies: Lowry acquitted himself nicely in Long Beach. With Damon Stoudamire coming off knee surgery and Bobby Jackson signing with the Hornets, Lowry could earn significant minutes as a rookie.

Next up, a Streetball highlight video from SLAM online. Closest you can get to real basketball this summer, I suppose.

Thanks to I Heart KG for this Mike James video.

25th ranked player last season according to our spreadsheet. That’s mostly because of the points and percentages… but he should be able to keep those up in Minnesota. And you can’t argue with him when he says he’ll take the shot.

QUALITY.

All hail the power of his name! King James has signed his extension and Cavs fans are rejoicing. Really Rejoicing. Rejoicing with crazy-ass-girlfriend like rants. All the way from a comment on a Caviler Attitude post, take it bigbuddylove06:

Listen up all you haters! If you are not from Cleveland then you dont understand how we feel about Lebron! You can take all those other franchises, wrap em’ up in a big ball, and none of them will match up to the investment our fans will make for our hometown hero! … Hate it or love it but the underdogs on top! Yeah underdog! … Everybody just get used to the C-town being the place to be once again! … The man, The King, that’s right, the Cavalier! See ya’ll in the playoffs haters!

I am (less enthusiastically) inclined to agree. Lebron willed the Cavs into the playoffs and almost took out Detroit in the second round. It’s got to be a good feeling to know that your team is going to contend for at least the next three years and possible for a long, long time. My guess is that Lebron will lead many fantasy teams to championships for a long, long time as well.

Onto the rankings:

2005/2006 RANKINGS
(4) Lebron James
(49) Zydrunas Ilgauskas
(81) Larry Hughes
(114) Drew Gooden
(124) Donyell Marshall
(209) Eric Snow
(232) Damon Jones
(282) Anderson Varejao
(324) Aleksandar Pavlovic
(376) Luke Jackson
(379) Stephen Graham
(415) Ira Newble
(431) Martynas Andriuskevicius

OUT
(206) Ronald Murray

IN
(N/A) Shannon Brown
(N/A) Daniel Gibson
(N/A) Ejike Ugboaja

Not the greatest fantasy team ever assembled, but when you got King James, magic can happen. Word on the street is that the Cavs are still looking to wheel and deal, possibly moving Gooden or bringing in a point guard (the word says David Wesley). Since starter Wesley wasn’t worth much last year, we can safely ignore the possibility of backup Wesley on the Cavs. My forecast:

BUY

Lebron James – While conducting research for this preview (oh yeah, I do research), I was initially overwhelmed by the non-stop gushing man love for Lebron at every Cavaliers site I came across. It reminded me of those old Bill Swerski’s Super Fans skits on SNL.

Bill Swerski: Now, gentlemen, let me ask you this: What if Da Cavs were all 14 inches tall, you know, about so high? Now, what’s your score of today’s game?

Carl Wollarski: Oh, hold on. Then I change mine, too. I thought it was Mini-Bron.

What more can you say? I’ll keep quiet and let the real fans speak - in blogs, newspapers, and even video. Full-size Lebron is worthy of all that man love and he’ll be on the top of my draft list this fall. Mini-Bron would only be like 8th, though.

Larry Hughes – Probably the toughest guy to predict so far, I’ve had him as a BUY, a SELL, and a HOLD at various times while writing this post. Hughes is the stock market equivalent of investing in real estate in California, Satellite radio, or Russian brides. Who the hell knows what’s going to happen? 36 games? 65 games? 15 pts/game? 22 pts/game? So, do you feel lucky? If you can buy low enough, never underestimate the value of an injury bounce back year.

HOLD

Drew Gooden – As of this exact moment, Gooden is still an unsigned restricted free agent and the rumors are fierce. My go to Cavs site, Caviler Attitude, is predicting Gooden is as good as gone because some stupid team will offer him insanely large Nene-ish money. I can see that happening because as a fantasy player, Gooden’s always played the “this is his year” sleeper role and (with the possible exception of 2004) never quite lived up. He’s never smelled one of my fantasy teams because someone always seems to grab him up 2-3 rounds too soon and I can see that happening again this year (especially if he moves to another team).

Zydrunas Ilgauskas – On one hand, he’s a 31 year old 7 foot 3 inch giant who operates in slow motion, saw an across the board drop in his stats (and minutes) last year, and increasingly can’t quite keep up with the pace of Lebron’s team. On the other hand, he’s played in at least 78 games the past four seasons, his stats are still a’ight, and you can’t exactly buy centers on the Internet. What? Shit, I guess you can. Add up the pluses and minuses and Ilgauskas gets the marginal hold instead of a sell.

SELL

Donyell Marshall – If someone is so consistently inconsistent, are they then consistent? Anyway, seeing that my memories of Marshall consist of checking out my fantasy team’s results from the previous night and seeing lines like 3/2/2 and 20% from the field (Feb 13) or 3/4/2 and 16% from the field (Feb 2), you can certainly imagine my surprise after seeing him ranked at 124 for the year (which is not great, but certainly worthy of being on someone’s team). If you’re the type of player that enjoys checking your team’s results every morning, Marshall will drive you absolutely you insane to the point where you must either drop him or begin a routine of daily antidepressants. However, if you’re the type to draft a team and check back in May, then you might want to give him a try.

By the way Cavs fans, enjoy the next three years of Donyell Marshall. That should be fun.

Eric Snow – In case you’ve just stepped out of a time machine from the year 2003 and, as a result of said time travel, happen to believe Snow to a be a relevant fantasy player, now would be a good time to sell.

WATCH

Shannon Brown – They. say. the kid. can play. I wouldn’t draft him, but the way the roster is currently constructed, he’s one Larry Hughes injury away from some mad minutes.

Aleksandar Pavlovic Anderson Varejao – If Gooden gets shipped out, he’s the man. Although, people in the know seem to not be sold on Varejao. Since the situation will probably be resolved before your fantasy draft, this is more of a watch what happens during the next week. I’m just ecstatic that the Cavs will have their PF who wears a headband quota locked up no matter what happens.

And watch Lebron, most of all. Don’t be a hater.

Where I’d pick em (in a 10 team league)
Lebron James – 1st round, 1st overall
Zydrunas Ilgauskas – 6th
Larry Hughes – 6th (possible 3rd round talent if healthy… but could be a total bust)
Drew Gooden – 9th (He’ll likely be gone long before that)
Donyell Marshall – I’m not going through hell again, but as long as he is still bombing threes and grabbing some boards, he’ll be worth something. Maybe 13th or 14th.
Anderson Varejao – If the Cavs move Gooden, he’ll probably play like a 11th or 12th rounder, and should be worth a look. Otherwise, don’t bother. [Note: Despite all my insider information telling me otherwise, Gooden did stay with the Cavs, so don’t bother with Varejao].

On some level, it offends my sensibilities to let someone who appears to have honed their English skills listening to the Ying Yang Twins, Lil Jon, Yung Joc, and Chamillionaire write my fantasy team previews for me. On another level, Sven probably did hone much of his more than adequate English listening to such dynamic Hip Hop acts as those I just listed. You can see why he doesn’t always spell things perfectly. My point is, when Sven gets home from his road trip, I’m going to sit him down with some Aesop Rock, Illogic, Sage Francis, and maybe even some MF Doom to properly educate him. In the mean time, here is your Denver Nuggets preview, courtesy of sVendetta Offtheheezygaard.

–

Yo Nels,

What up?

I am here in the Mile High City of Denver. Too bad Carmelo Anthony is in Las Vegas - he is probably a mile high right now! Too bad - I wanted him to be my weed carrier! Oh well. Maybe I can find Marcus Camby. He may not be as good of weed carrier for me, but he will is good on my fantasy team! Holla! Shh. No one knows I am riding dirty. I hope the pigs don’t catch on to me.

Here are rankings from sheet you send me: (looks like JR smith is big upgrade from Dermarr Johnson - haha!):

(13) Marcus Camby
(26) Carmelo Anthony
(60) Andre Miller
(100) Kenyon Martin
(131) Earl Boykins
(173) Ruben Patterson
(189) Francisco Elson
(200) Eduardo Najera
(235) J.R. Smith
(243) Dermarr Johnson
(263) Reggie Evans
(339) Charles Smith
(377) Linas Kleiza
(443) Julius Hodge
(454) Nene

I hearing that Kenyon Martin will not be on the Nuggets next season, but he is still listed on their roster, so I keep him here. Hooray for #100! Three numbers! Way to go K-Mart! Too bad his brother Walter is not in NBA. Wal-Mart! Haha!

MARCUS COTTON CAMBY!!! He is riding dirty for sheezy! 56 games. Not bad for Mr. Glass. Even at #13, I still not sure if Camby is worth 2nd round pick. Who knows if he plays 72 games (only once) or 63 games (3 times) or 29 games (2 times). Even 63 games is good. But 29 games is big risk to take. I think maybe 3rd or 4th round. before I take him.

Stretch it out out out out Carmelo! Haha! Remember when I visit you in primary school and we eat Carmelos? That was kind of gross actually. But Carmelo Anthony is not gross! He is tight like the braids on his head. I think he maybe too busy shooting and forget to rebound. 48% though! I will take that! I think he will play again like last season - but maybe he will be a little bit of tired from the pre Olympics in Japan. Tough. He could be 2nd round, but definitely 3rd round.

Andre Miller always seems to be too high - not that kind dude! - on ratings. Or, at least in people’s mind’s ratings. His assists come back a little last year, but his points and free throw percent still not as good as one time in Cleveland. Get over it! That was 5 years ago! If you don’t get PG early, he is maybe worth 5th round pick. Other though, definitely 6th round.

Ok, I am already doing rounds and stuff, so let me just go to the draft part I write.

10 TEAM DRAFT
Camby - 3rd round (Maybe 2nd if you have lots of rabbits foot)
Carmelo - 3rd round (He is not 2nd round guy yet)
Andre Miller - 6th round (He might get better, so this would be a good place to pick him to get higher rating)
Kenyon Martin - 10th round (for now… he will probably be on another fantasy team preview somewhere else later)
Earl - Boykinds - 12th round (I don’t think he will be any better this year because he is still back up to Andre Miller)
Ruben Patterson - If he shoots free throws better, he could be good free agent pick up. But I would not draft him just to hope for that.
Nene (With No last name) - 80 -> 77 -> 55 -> 1. Maybe 1 is freak accident, but number of games going down is not good. Still, if he do 2003-04 or 2004-05 numbers, he will be pretty good choice for 9th or 10th round - if he can play FC. If only C, probably 10th round only.
Reggie Evans - Grabs balls! Not on my team!

Everyone else just wait for free agent.

So, that is the fantasy preview. I hope you like it.

Nels, too bad you did not come to Denver with me, or you could be my weed carrier while Carmelo is playing for USA. I better watch out in Utah. They going to see me riding dirty for sheezy.

Peace.

S is for Svendetta

Carnival #33 hosted, appropriately enough, at the Perkolaters nee Get Buckets Brigade. An interesting take on things. I appreciate the apology.