Give Me The Rock

So, technically, I’m responsible for the Western half of the NBA Fantasy Preview. But this summer has been really busy so far, and I haven’t had time to actually prepare for doing such a fantasy preview. Instead, I’ve carefully coordinated three of my friends and convinced them to take summer “road trips” through cities with NBA teams, reporting back to me on the fantasy prospects therein. Yes, I know it makes absolutely no sense in light of the fact that probably none of the players are actually necessarily in those cities. But since my cousin Sven is visiting from Denmark, it’s a good excuse for him to see the sights of the US while staying relatively cool in the Northwest Division of the league. I couldn’t quite get Juan and Rachel to go along with the “stay in your division” plan, so they’re both traveling across the lower half of the states and plan to end up in LA. Hopefully not together. Y’know… cause it can get awkward when your friends get together and then break up and make you choose which one you want to still be friends with.

Anyway, Sven was the first to report in from Minnesota, so here’s what he’s got to say about the Timberwolves:

Nels,

I just get done shopping at Mall America. I hope I have enough money left for rest of road trip! Ha ha ha!

Man, this spreadsheet you give me say Timberwolves SUCK! Only 2 players in top 120! Kevin Garnett is greatness. I take Ricky Davis too. Everyone else is not good enough. Eddie Griffin always blocks many shots, but he is too busy whacking off while driving to be good fantasy player. At least he is not masturbating on motorcycle with no helmet on. I read Mark Madsen blog, and it is just like Timberwolves - SUCK!

[Ed. Note: 2005/2006 Minnesota Timberwolves Fantasy Rankings (2005/2006 per game rank in parenthesis)]

(3) Kevin Garnett
(48) Ricky Davis
(123) Marcus Banks
(128) Mark Blount
(129) Marko Jaric
(191) Trenton Hassell
(218) Eddie Griffin
(229) Troy Hudson
(231) Rashad McCants
(261) Bracey Wright
(306) Anthony Carter
(363) Justin Reed
(388) Mark Madsen
(426) Ronald Dupree

Marko Banks play pretty good in Minnesota last yer. Maybe he like quiet city and cold temperature more than Boston. Maybe he stay in Minnesota and go shopping for three point shot! Ha Ha Ha!.

I think maybe Marko Jaric can be good if he step up a little. Come on Euro! Play ball!

Marko Blount not so Marko Jaric. 2m 13cm and only 5 rebounds in a game? SUCK!

Draft Pick Randy Foye probably be good. I maybe keep Brandon Roy instead, but Timberwolves have Ricky Davis, so they trade him. Name is pretty close either way, so maybe not make much difference. Randy Foye and Rashad McCants compete for time at Shooting Guard. I am not know about the ancle of Troy Hudson, but if it not good, then Randy Foye get some minutes at Point Guard too. He score many points in Summer League games, but I know you tell me SUmmer League Games do not matter.

DARFT FOR 10 TEAM LEAGUE
Kevin Garnett - 1st round (duh!). Maybe not #3,though. But Minnesota does not have many other players.
Ricky Davis - 4/5 round. He probably do same as last year. Maybe need to get fro again!
Marko Banks - 11/12 round. I think maybe Randy Foye compete too much for minutes and Marko Banks not get 31 minutes again.
Marko Jaric - 12 round. He maybe learn to play SG or SF and get some minutes that way.
Marko BLount - NEVER!!!! Just kidding. Maybe you need center? Take him late in draft.
Rashad McCants - I not take him, but maybe you take him. Late in draft. He can play sometimes, but not other times. Maybe Randy Foye play too many minutes.
Randy Foye - I say Randy Foye a lot in this email. I think he play good in Minnesota. But they have many Guards his same height. I say not before round 10.

Is my draft guide good? Maybe if I do good, I get to play in your fantasy league this year? I promise not to kick your butt… too much! Hahaha!

Okay, I got to Denver now. I hope I can breath there!

Peace out dawg!
Sven

–

There, that was easy enough, right? Yeah, at least he’s only doing 5 teams, and most of them are pretty worthless. I am looking forward to his thoughts on the mess in Portland, though. I haven’t figured that one out for myself, yet.

I promise that at least Rachel will be able to correspond in coherent English. At least if she writes in the twenty minute span from when her hangover ends to when she starts drinking again. At least Dallas and Sacramento aren’t really part cities, are they?