Give Me The Rock

Rachel’s latest on the Dallas Mavericks. It’s a gem, all right.

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Helloooooooooo Nurse! Better put that picture of Madonna at the top. Dead sexy. The girl riding the bull might be too much for people to handle right off the bat.

So, here’s the fine, strong, young men that will make up the Dallas Mavericks in the coming season.

Guys left
(8) Dirk Nowitzki
(42) Jason Terry
(83) Josh Howard
(140) Jerry Stackhouse
(167) Devin Harris
(178) Erick Dampier
(201) Desagana Diop
(378) DJ Mbenga
(452) Pavel Podkolzin

Guys picked up
(134) Greg Buckner
(135) Anthony Johnson
(138) Austin Croshere
(197) Devean George
(N/A) Maurice Ager

Guys dumped
Who cares, right?

Let’s recap. They dumped one pseudo-pretty white boy and picked up another. What else? They signed a couple guys who might make them better. Buckner and Not-That-Gorgeous George… hmmm… I’d take Anthony Johnson over Darrell Armstrong. At least, I mean, on my fantasy team. Not in my fantasies, though. I mean, I wouldn’t take either of them there.

So, who’s going to be getting it up for this season?

Dirk. Obviously. He’s the Diggler. Number 8? Yeah. No problem.
JET? Yeah. Him and his wonderful Seattle accent will be doing it well. Marquis Daniels departure frees up an extra 10 points and I can see JET picking up some of that. When drafting though, remember, he’s a score first point guard. My kind of guy.
Josh Howard. Only going to get better.
Devin Harris. I can see him grabbing some extra minutes (up from only 23 last season). Maybe he’ll be grabbing some extra booty along the way too.

Who’s going to need some Viagra?
Jerry Stackhouse. It’s impressive that he did what he did with less than 28 minutes a game, but with the exception of Dirk, JET, and Josh, Avery likes to spread the minutes around like a cheap whore. I mean, Adrian Griffin was playing 24 minutes a game for 52 games.

Who’s your booty call?
Erick Dampier. He’s probably not going to get better than last season. But, he’s probably not going to get worse, either. So, if you like it in deep leagues, he’s probably worth something.
Greg Buckner. With Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhoue, and Devin Harris covering the back court, it’s hard to say how much PT Buck-n-her will get. He wasn’t all that impressive with the Nugs last season, so I don’t really see Dallas giving him more than 24 minutes. But that’s enough to get him to 134th on the rankings… so, take that for what it’s worth.
Anthony Johnson. The guy can score. The problem is, the Mavs already have 2 scoring (and only-sort-of passing) PGs. Doesn’t leave a lot of room for AJ.
Austin Croshere. Keith Van Horny was 184th last season, and Croshere was 138th (with the Pace-yourselves). So, really Croshere could be a good last round gamble or something like if you need a little something like that, you can get it from him. Just don’t try to build a fucking team around his profile. I remember Nels tried to do that one time, and he won’t stop fucking talking about it ever. Gawd. Get off it already.

Speaking of getting off.

That girl needs to get off that mechanical bull.

So,

10 TEAM DRAFT
You probably already get a sense of my feelings, but let’s break off a piece.
Dirk - 1st round. His fantasy stats turn me on like David Hasselhoff.
JET - 4th round. I think he’s on his way up this time for real.
Josh Howard - 6/7th round. He’s also going to get more this coming season.

Everyone else you can kind of sprinkle in in the later rounds if you like them, or if you need their particular talents. I don’t really think anyone else is going to bust out of the kind of role they had last season (or play better than the player they are replacing from last season). So, that’s that I guess.

All right. Off to Sacramento. I hope I don’t get too fucking bored there. I can’t wait for some Oaktown and LA style excitement.

But before I go…

They say everything’s bigger in Texas. For real.

Peace,
Rachel