Give Me The Rock

Phew. I knew if I could count on anyone that anyone would turn out to be named Sven. As he makes clear, I am his dawg. And, I suppose he is mine as well. Thanks for saving me the 10 minutes it would have taken to put together this thoroughly complex and exhilarating preview of the Utah Jazz, Sven.

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Hi Nels,

Sorry for write so late. You know I like ski-shoot. it remind me a lot of my home country, Danmark.

Here are rankings for Utah Jazz players: Not too bad for fantasy basketball.
(15) Andrei Kirilenko
(47) Mehmet Okur
(53) Carlos Boozer
(133) Deron Williams
(147) Matt Harpring
(251) Gordan Giricek
(257) Jarron Collins
(274) Devin Brown
(275) Milt Palacio
(284) Greg Ostertag
(288) Keith Mcleod
(358) Robert Whaley
(369) C.J. Miles
(380) Kris Humphries
(425) Andre Owens

Players Added:
(75) Derek Fisher
(368) Rafael Araujo
(N/A) Ronnie Brewer
(N/A) Dee Brown
(N/A) Paul Millsap

Hmmmm… so I see. Maybe I just let you figure this out and go back to ski-shoot?

Just kidding!

Anyway, Jazz is pretty straight-foward, right? Andrei Kirilenko is good. He played in 69 games last season. I think he can do that again this season, and he is worth the number 15 pick. He had 3.2 blocks per game last season. That is reedonkulous to the max! Mehmet Okur is good too (but not as good of course). He kind of do everything for the Center position. His shooting percentage is not great, but he make three-pointer and shoots good free throws. A little sumsumthin on the side. Good job Meme Sauce.

Carlos Boozer - BITCH! Everybody hates you! 33 games last season! HAHA! That’s what you get! Now nobody draft you in fantasy basketball! I’m glad you’re happy in Utah cause it’s like Alaska or Danmark and you can go ski-shoot every day.

Deron Williams - Nels saw you play at Illinois, and he likes you. So, you’re cool. 4.5 assists are not great, and 42% is pretty bad shooting. I mean, I guess you’re only 133 ranked. But you’re only rookie, so it can’t get worse, right? Only 1.8 turnovers is good for rookie, though.

So, on to the drafting!

For a 10 TEAM LEAGUE:
AK47 - 2nd round - no doubt
Meme Sauce - No higher than 4th round. Probably 5th. His game per season is good and consistent, but last season is way his best season. No way he can do better. I am cautious about this one.
Boozehound - LOOZER! Somehow he rank at 53. I would not take him before 6th round. His games per season were good in Cleveland, but then he turned bitch on the Cavaliers to go to snowy ski-shoot Utah. Then only 51 and 33 games per season. No good. I think maybe he will be healthier this season, but he will make your team have bad luck.
Deron Williams - He will be better than 133, so I think maybe 11th or 12th round. PG position is 2nd most rare after Center (right? I think so).
Matt Harpring - Do you really want him on your team? I mean, Rachel would be like “He’s pretty ugly.” He is not getting better this season.
Ronnie Brewer - He is probably worth drafting. Maybe 13th or 14th round. Yahoo! says he is after Gordan Giricek on the depth chart at SG, but Gordan is pretty much garbage, so Ronnie Brewer should get some hookup at SG. Deron Williams played 29 minutes per game as a rookie, so Jerry Sloan seems like he will play rookie if they can play good for rookie. I not sure if Ronnie Brewer is Jerry Sloan type of player though. He does not have good form like John Stockton and he is a slashy guard, who has not worked out for Utah Jazz recently.
Derek Fisher - He will probably back up Deron Williams at PG (where does Dee Brown fit on the JAzz team?), so he will not be at the number 75 again. Maybe he’ll be like Deron and come in at 133 this year. Good backup PG in case your first PG gets injured.

I think that’s about it. I found some good pictures for you like Rachel so you can post sexy girl pictures.

Peace out DAWG,
Sven

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Oh, so here’s Sven’s hotties: