Give Me The Rock

Scoop “Talent Questionable” Jackson drops the following in his latest article on A Web site in which he takes on the persona of the new NBA basketball (you’ll have to find the actual article yourself):

A Web site gave me a nickname. They call me the Orange Roundie. That’s what I learned to do on my downtime, between practices and games. On Oct. 23 they called me a winner. But before that …

They said I was “angry and powerful,” they called my mother “a kind and cultural space-cow.” They called me the p-word … pleather!

There are some things a ball can take, but being called “pleather” ain’t one of ‘em.

Since then, they’ve dropped their fixation with me. From time to time I check the Web site though, see if they’re still paying attention to me.

Hmmmmm… “A Web site”, eh Scoop? What web site would that be?

Just another reason that I don’t ever go to ESPN. Of course, if you follow that link, you’ll see that I also don’t go to NBA.com (except to check my HoopsAddict league there, and to confirm that their video section is still not as easy to use as YouTube). I’m pretty much a hater all around; but the hate truly consumes me when it comes to sites that don’t give credit to bloggers when that credit is obviously due. At least NBA.com and Yahoo don’t try to front like their down with bloggers that aren’t on their payroll.

Finally: how long is that article? It’s like diarrhea of the fingers.

If you happened to check out the GMTR Player Rater today, you may have noticed a somewhat surprising name at the top of the list. A guy who gets no respect in most fantasy circles – not even from us (granted, it was Sven). For at least today (but possibly for a while), third/fourth round pick Carmelo Anthony is currently the best fantasy player in the world. While he’s still not hitting any threes, blocking shots, or grabbing a huge amount of rebounds, the other facets of his game are running on all cylinders. I could gush like a teenage girl – he’s averaging over 30 a game, the assists are up, he’s picking 2 a game, he’s hitting over half his shots, he was the Western Conference Player of the Week on November 27 for the fourth time in his career, he’s single handedly been saving the cornrow, and I heard on his days off he heals the sick using only the power of imagination.

I could gush, but the truth is that I didn’t come close to drafting Anthony in any league. “He’s a chucker who doesn’t play defense, I’d rather have AK.” “Yeah, the points are nice, but what else does he bring to the table?” No respect.

So, starting today, Carmelo, you have my respect. I like your game, your shot, your effort, your tempo. You can be my wingman anytime.

One beautiful/handsome gent was kind enough to honor me with an email. The rest of you probably had your emails returned because nels was retarded and didn’t put my email address in right. Thanks buddy.

Anyway, here we go!

Am I a total idiot for not getting rid of the “no spam” part of your email in my earlier letters?

I know you want me to berate you and stuff and by saying what a frickin idiot you are, but really, dude, it’s okay. Not everyone is perfect their first time. I mean look at me… this post frickin sucks.

Who is the best sports writer in basketball?

I don’t really read “sports writers” … so yeah, I like the Basketball Jones and Skeets is funny on the podcast. I like the FreeDarko guys sometimes, but they tend to be long-winded (and probably not long-anything-elsed). The SunsGossip girl is pretty awesome, but she’s more of a “sports drawer” which actually looks more like something in a bureau now that I’ve actually typed it… she’s a “sports artist” more than writer, really. Wow, that was terrible. Good thing I don’t have an editor.

When is ESPN giving GMTR a 30 minute time slot?

Probably about the time Rick Yam stops saying “this guy.”

Are you a real person or an alter-ego of nels?

Well, while I’m pretty sure that Nels edited Sven’s posts to make them more (or less) comprehensible (or funny), I can assure you that to the best of my knowledge, I and Sven and Juan do indeed exist. Juan’s so-called “spanish fly” is probably fabricated, though.

What is an acceptable % of my time to spend at GMTR when I’m at “work”?

I guess that all depends on your definition of “work.” Or else, what your job is. I mean, if you’re a hooker, then probably any time spent on GMTR is not acceptable (unless your John is into fantasy basketball, in which case you might be able to get paid to read about fantasy basketball, which would be pretty aweomse. I bet Rick Kamla would be one of those guys). But if you’re an IT Specialist like the n-dog, I’d say you could go as high as 12.5% and not even break a sweat.

How can I get “TTYL” and “TTFN” out of the lexicon?

You can’t. Give it up.

TTFN.

Rachel

Now nearly a month through the NBA season, I think it’s time to bust out one of my favorite topics - effective free throw percentage (EFT%). It’s a simple yet accurate look at how players contribute to the free throw percentage category in roto leagues. If you’re interested in how effective free throw percentage is calculated, check this out. And you can go here if you’re interested in seeing the top EFT% from last season or why it’s not as cool to talk about field goal percentage as it is free throw percentage.

With that out of the way, here are the 20 players with the highest EFT% so far this year.

I won’t bore you with a 10,000 word player by player breakdown of the list - here are a few short notes about what I find interesting.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Dirk is a beast. He did it last year and he’s again aiming to be the only player in the league with an EFT% of over 100%. That’s just icing on the strudel when you add it to everything else he brings to the world of fantasy (basketball, not mine personally).

Need another reason to love Kevin Martin? How about the 3rd highest EFT% in the league? He “only” shot 85% from the line last season, so there will likely be some regression as the season marches on, but color me green with envy for all of you out there who scooped up Martin at the tail end of your draft.

Guys who probably won’t be in this list at the end of the year? Steve Francis (career 80% free throw shooter), Brevin Knight (79%), Jarrett Jack, and Earl Boykins (won’t shoot enough free throws).

And here are the 19 (I removed Kenyon Martin for his own sake) players with the lowest EFT% through the first month of the season.

It’s the dreaded list of big men, with supporting appearances by Antoine Walker and Tracy McGrady. There are fewer surprises on this list than the top 20 - Shaq, Okafor, Duncan, Brown, Wallace, Chandler, Curry, and Howard are all regulars. One significant change is that last year’s big “winner”, Shaq, is currently getting out bricked by Emeka Okafor. Here’s a short clip of some of Okafor’s work:

I’ve got plans - big plans! - for other posts - real posts! - but until then…

Midnight Snack Club chat room should be on tonight… Talk about whatever kind of fantasy basketball stuff you want. Or NBA in general. Or anything else that you want.

Rachel’s “advice” column will start soon… but first she needs some letters from people asking for advice. No one has used the link on the right side to email her yet, so why don’t you be the first to give her a try. Take out the NOSPAM part and you’ll be good to go. She’s ready and waiting.

Finally, through all the fault of my own, Give Me WLS AM 890 is in 1st place in the Dropping Dimes Experts League. Of course, Baron Davis is out now, so we’ll see how long that lasts. Probably not for another 21 weeks.

Here’s the pictorial evidence, if you’re a true non-believer (click for the full size version):

A few weeks ago i wrote an article about one of the Milwaukee Bucks preseason games. Surprisingly my “Big Performer” was Buck’s Turkish power forward Ersan Ilyasova…
Ersan Ilyasova - Bucks - The nineteen year old Turkish sensation is here! And he has no fantasy value. Ersan scored 11 points in 25 minutes. He worked four boards out of his 6-9 frame complimented by zero turnovers, 3-4 FTs and 2 threes. Did i mention he fouled out? You should remember Ersan’s name because he will be in a starting lineup in the next 5 years. He averaged 12.5 points and 7 boards in the D-League last year and was the MVP of the U20 European Championships this year. By the way, that is a true MVP award as his team lost the final. 10/14/06

So, by “next five years” i meant the next month and a half. Charlie Villanueva’s tennis elbow (it is actually a torn ligament, but all elbow injuries are tennis elbow to me) has him sidelined for the next 4-6 weeks. The Bucks have chosen to replace their coveted power forward of the future with their coveted big man of the future after the big mans future. Enter 19 year old Ersan Ilyasova.

I put nineteen in italics because Ersan Ilyasova might actually be Arsen Ilyasov. Arsen was an 18 year old Uzbek who moved to Turkey with his father in 2002 never to be heard from again. Ersan is now a professional basketball player who registered as a Turkish citizen in 2002 at the age of “15.” Somewhere El Duque and Danny Almonte are sending Ersan a “welcome to the club” gift basket filled with wrinkle cream and power rangers toys, to keep him young in body and mind; those adorable young scamps.

This story doesn’t matter very much in the long run. It just makes me like him more, the mystery and intrigue is so much more fun than half of the NBA’s background of “he went to Duke/UNC.” The only thing this story and supposed name change does is it keeps him from entering the upper tier of cool names. “His third three in a row! Arsen is setting the building on fire with this shooting display!”

Ersan has no immediate fantasy value. Though he is starting, he struggles to play 20 minutes a game. Like every young Euro to ever come to the NBA Ersan can not stay out of foul trouble. In his starts he averages 4 fouls a game in only 20 minutes. He is not undersized though, his listing is 6′9 235. It looks like the scale may weigh a bit heavy, but Ersan is strong enough to pull down boards at the PF position and will be able to box out after a few months of learning the ropes.

Here is the number one reason why you should be excited about Ilyasova’s fantasy future. He will give you threes and FT% from the PF position without sacrificing your precious points or rebounds. Right now in 20 minutes he attempts 2 threes a game. His accuracy is poor at 20%, but that percentile matches Dirk Nowitzki’s in his first campaign. Though, it is a massive overreaction to compare him to Dirk after only 3 starts; expect me to do that at the end of the season. Ersan has a lot of upside in the coming years for the Bucks and fantasy teams if he works into a rotation, i would advise you to watch him. Who knows? He might get younger before your eyes.

My nickname for Ilyasova… Ersan de Leon

The post i was working on yesterday was temporarily shelved so that i could bring you this…

For everyone reading i assume you are unaware that i live in Houston Texas. As such, i attended last nights Rockets-Wizards game. The Rockets won 86-82, they tried their best to lose the game but found the Wizards lacked the determination to win. Houston sacrificed a double digit lead to make it an exciting game that saw Luther Head knock down some clutch free throws and Skip to my Lou drill a go ahead three pointer. But, there are many more pressing issues than how the game played out.

Vassilis Spanoulis!
The Rockets can finally put away the bad memories of their forays gone awry in the world of Euro-ball players; no offense to 1995 World Champsion Zan Tabak or Bostjan Nachbar (who i contend still has a chance to make it in the NBA). Hearing the name Vassilis Spanoulis is akin to hearing Jack Nicholson yell “Here’s Johnny!” All American basketball fans remember the Greek Salad (yes, i am now trying out new nicknames, feel free to comment on your favorite) dissecting the USA Basketball team in the semi-finals of the FIBA World Championships. The thought of the Parthenon effortlessly driving to the basket for layups he contrived in a zero gravity chamber, while LeBron, Carmello and Dwight look on makes us all cringe. Yet, there was always a desire for more of the Meek Greek. From the first embarrassing points he scored, every viewer wanted the Feared Beard in the NBA. Part to see more of his theatrics and part because they wanted to watch him fail miserably; think Colts fans every time Vanderjagt lines up to kick. Well the Worst Olympics Ever is now here, with the recent injury of Kirk Snyder, the Illiad and Odyssy Both Sucked is in line to get up to 20minutes a game. Last night, he filled his 17 minutes with 10 points, 3 assists and 2 rebounds. Surprsingly, what we saw last night was nothing like the preseason. Preseason it appeared that if Spanoulis (enough nicknames) were given 20 minutes a game he would challenge Paul Pierce for the perennial crown of turnover king. He coughed the ball up zero times last night and turned both of his circus act drives to the lane into layups. With all that being said, Vassilis has no immediate fantasy value, but i still propose we raise our beers and drink.

DeShawn Stevenson
Retirement. The number one thing on Stevenson’s mind. Already a six year veteran play a few more years, qualify for the NBA players penchant then retire. How could the trend of High School draft picks have developed so easily after the 2000 NBA Draft saw Darius Miles and DeShawn Stevenson drafted? Hell, when David Stern went to the owners with his proposal for an age limit i promise you, the first slide on that PowerPoint presentation was DeShawn Stevenson. The only reason the sound of owners saying ‘Who?’ was not audible is because i bet money Stern is ‘that guy’ that adds the car skidding to a stop .wav file on his PowerPoint. Last night, Stevenson was 0 - 7 with 1 RB, 1 A and 1 S. Look at that stat line. Now, remember that Stevenson turned down a 3 year 10 mill contract extension with the Magic under the impression he could get more money on the market. When he abruptly realized that GM’s laughed when they read the title line of his resume “Established Six Year Veteran.” Stevenson then inked a 2 year minimum contract with the Wizards, he signed this contract under the impression that he would impress teams and earn a huge pay day in the next offseason. Well DeShawn, i am impressed. Impressed that you made 1 of 9 half-time warmup shots, yes i was counting. My last word on DeShawn Stevenson… Dreadlocks are cool, please shave your head and stop disgracing them.

Can the Wizards Make the Playoffs?
Yes, i have them as my 7 seed in the playoffs. This does not mean they are a ‘playoff caliber’ team or a great team or even a good team. This means that the East is terrible enough to allow a team with a 500 record to make the playoffs. Right now they 7th in the East with a stellar 4-7 record. Essentially, Gilbert Arenas is good enough to pull this team kicking and screaming to the playoffs. He is one of the best two way players in the league and will get enough help from Caron Butler and Antwan Jamison.

The Wizards Fantasy Implications
Please stay away from the Wizards centers. Etan Thomas is a much better option than Haywood, but Eddie Jordan must not like Etan Thomas or Thomas’ favorite hobby, street poetry (how cool is that). If you have an open bench spot throw Thomas there until Jordan realizes that Haywood is a bust. If you have DeShawn Stevenson on your fantasy team, please put down the whiskey, or drink more of it, it may uncloud your vision. The Wizards are a fantasy disaster, you will find little value outside of Arenas, Butler or Jamison so please do not go looking.

I won’t lie either, i drafted Haywood. You can now find him on my leagues waiver wire.