Guide to Getting the Most out of the NBA

Categorized as: Atlanta Hawks, Author: Patrick, Boston Celtics, Charlotte Bobcats, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Diatribes, Golden State Warriors, Houston Rockets, LA Clippers, LA Lakers, Miami Heat, NBA Basketball, NBA Teams, New York Knicks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards
Posted on: August 16th, 2007

For most fans, the NBA experience consists of watching games on TV and in person, with the occasional special event or autograph signing thrown in. But this guide will help you maximize your enjoyment of the NBA. To use this guide, simply locate your skill or skills and then do what’s listed there. It’s really that simple.

IF YOU ENJOY WRITING FAN MAIL:
Email your favorite Dallas Maverick player.

IF YOU ENJOY WRITING FAN MAIL AND STALKING:
Write to your favorite Nuggets Dancer, c/o Pepsi Center, 1000 Chopper Circle, Denver, CO 80204

IF YOU LIKE JUMPING OFF TRAMPOLINES
Join the Detroit Pistons’ Flight Crew.

IF YOU’RE A CANADIAN STREET BALLER
Play in NBA 3ON3 (sponsored by the Raptors)

IF YOUR CHILD IS A FATTY AND SHAQ IS NOT AVAILABLE
Sign-up for Get Fit with the Golden State Warriors.

IF YOU CAN GOLF:
Play with Tyrus Thomas.

IF YOU CAN’T GOLF:
Play softball with Tracy McGrady.

IF YOU CAN SING:
Audition to sing the national anthem at a Cavaliers game.

IF YOU’RE BETWEEN THE AGE 7 AND 16 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $100.
Go to a summer camp hosted by Sean May, Dell Curry, Brevin Knight, or the Carroll Brothers.

IF YOU’RE BETWEEN THE AGE 7 AND 16 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $250.
Go to the Sonics Basketball Summer Camp.

IF YOU’RE OVER THE AGE OF 35 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $17,500.
Go to the Michael Jordan Flight School.

IF YOU’RE A PUPPETEER, VENTRILOQUIST, OR HAVE ANOTHER SKILL THAT PEOPLE PRETEND TO FIND ENTERTAINING:
Become an in-game entertainer for the Hawks or Bobcats.

IF YOU OWN A CAMCORDER AND ENJOY WATCHING THE CLIPPERS:
Make a fan video.

IF YOU OWN A CAMERA, A COPY OF PHOTOSHOP, AND A GRILL OR OTHER HIBACHI-LIKE DEVICE
Enter the “Are you Hibachi enough?” contest.

IF YOU’RE AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE WITH DANCE SKILLS
Audition to become an NBA dancer, preferably for the Lakers, Mavs, Heat, Spurs, or Rockets

IF YOU’RE AN UNATTRACTIVE FEMALE WITH DANCE SKILLS
Get a lesson from the Knicks Dance Team.

IF YOU’RE A FORMER CHEERLEADER OR GYMNAST AND ARE ATTRACTIVE (FEMALE) OR ENJOY TOUCHING WOMEN IN INAPPROPRIATE PLACES WITHOUT THE THREAT OF GOING TO JAIL (MALE):
Try out for the Detroit Work Force or Utah Jazz Stunt Team.

IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE EVALUATING PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYERS
Become the Director of Player Personnel for the Houston Rockets.

IF YOU HAVE BALL HANDLING SKILLS AND COURT VISION:
Try out for the Celtics. (Credit to Basketbawful)

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