Give Me The Rock

It’s a god damn arms race in the Western Conference all right, and I’m going to sing it out loud. It started with Pau Gasol going to the Lakers for Kwame “Dust Through a Fan” Brown, Javaris Critenton, and the lesser Gasol; then picked up steam when Shaq filled up his car with $20,000 worth of gas and drove to Phoenix to replace Shawn “I Immediately Regret This Decision” Marion; and really came to a head when the Kidd to Dallas trade finally got the Keith Van Horn Mid-Ball stamp of approval (I’ve seen him called semi-retired in a couple of articles, kind of like how I’m being semi-productive at work right now).

The funniest thing about all these trades, besides Keith Van Horn getting 4 meellion dollars for answering his phone and pretending to come out of retirement, was how little impact they’ve had on the world of fantasy. Nels has been logging some serious overtime breaking down these trades, including Gasol to the Lakers, going link style for the Shaq trade, and the first edition of the Kidd trade. Don’t get me wrong, these trades certainly had some minor winners (Boris Diaw, Shawn Marion, Devin Harris and the entire Grizzles team come to mind) and minor losers (Marcus Williams, Bynum, and Udonis Haslem if he ever comes back), but for most of the guys actually involved in the trades, the biggest change is going to be in their jerseys (as Nels so sweetly demonstrated with Jason Kidd).

That being said, Dallas and New Jersey finally finished reworking their deal that sends Kidd and Malik Allen to Dallas for Devin Harris, Trenton Hassell, Maurice Ager, DeSagana Diop, two first-round picks, cash considerations, and the man, the myth, the legend, the Mid-Ball god, Keith Van Horn. Fantasy wise, everything pretty much stays the same as in the previous incarnation of the trade. Kidd will be about as good as he was on the Nets and he’ll give a slight bump in value to the rest of the Mavs through some sort of ‘floor general’ osmosis. Some people are calling for Erick Dampier’s name now that Diop is gone, but that idea is on par with hanging weights from your penis in the hope of making it longer: after enough Schlitz Gay, the idea almost sounds feasible.

For the Nets, it’s all about Devin Harris and some draft picks. Harris will keep his value as the third leg in the Nets new big three, if you can even call them that anymore. How about calling them Scarecrow, the Tin man, and the Lion? I know who can play the Tin man.

And I’d be remiss not to mention the anti-arms race trade: The Kings sending Mike Bibby to the Hawks for Anthony Johnson, Tyronn Lue, Shelden Williams, and Lorenzen Wright, or as Tom Ziller called it, a player named ‘Cap Space’.

Bibby stood to benefit fantasy-wise from the trade, but in his first game with the Hawks he already injured his ankle. I’m not sure how serious his injury is, just call it another black mark in what can be called a lost season for Bibby.

As for the Kings? Well, they get cap space. They also take a shot at up-until-now-Atlanta-bust Shelden Williams. In Williams favor is the fact that the Kings have been playing Mikki Moore - he of 8 points and 6 rebounds per game - at power forward all season. If Williams is ever going to win a starting job, Mikki Moore is the guy to go against. If you’re desperate for a big man (and I mean on your fantasy team) it could be worth your while to keep an eye on the Williams situation.

But the most exciting news coming out of the Kings trade is that Bibby’s departure opens up a starting job for Beno Udrih. Beno! Man, I love this guy already for reasons I can’t explain (ok, it’s primarily his name). According to NBA Roto – Fantasy Basketball, Beno has averaged 14.1 points, 3.7 rebounds and 4.8 assists in his starts this season, which in a quick scan of the player rater, puts him on par this season with… Mike Bibby (13.5/3.7/5.0). Oh, sweet irony that’s funny. Looks like the Kings aren’t going to miss Bibby that much after all.