Inside of the Give Me The Rock Fantasy Draft Guide, you will find player previews for 248 humans who play basketball in the NBA. Patrick and I have taken the time to write at least one sentence for each of those players. We didn’t get around to doing the rookies, but I think we’ll do that via posts on the site (mostly just so we can get this thing going). Yes, you can all chime in with your Gob Bluth style “Come On!’s”

Okay. Still reading? Still want a draft guide? I’m sure you’ll want it as soon as possible so you can begin assimilating the fairly massive amount of information contained within. As such, let me tell you how we’re working this.

There are nearly an infinite number of ways in which you can acquire your very own copy of the Give Me The Rock Fantasy Draft Guide. The easiest is to put a link to this post (or another post, if you like) on your website. Okay, maybe that’s not the easiest way, but more just the one we really want you to do.

Now, I’m sure a ton of people are like “I don’t have a website!” You may not realize it, but in some abstract sense, you probably do. Do you post on some sort of fantasy basketball forum? Maybe you have a profile over on BallHype? Do you have a Twitter account? Do you see where I’m going with this? All that is required is that you pimp Give Me The Rock on the internet somewhere. Send a link to your pimpage to givemetherock[at]gmail.com and we will decide (on a case by case basis) if you’ve earned a copy of the Draft Guide. I’m making it sound like some sort of Olympic Gymnastics judging scheme, but really, just do the pimping and you’ll probably get a PDF in response. It’ll be about 200K in size, so don’t worry about clearing out your inbox or anything. You can even send an email to, say, 5 or more friends telling them how awesome GMTR is and BCC givemetherock[at]gmail. We’ll take that.

If you really can’t think of any way to promote GMTR on the internet, and you don’t have any friends to spam with an email about GMTR, then write us with your sad story about how you’re just a blogger who lives in their mom’s basement trying to make a living from basketball betting and posts shit that real journalists only wish they could get away with, and we’ll see. If you’re really that pathetic, who are we to deny you the sweet, sweet joy of reading the Give Me The Rock Fantasy Draft Guide.

Speaking of pimpage… I’m sure you thought this post was over… but I want to throw out a link to Full Court Press Fantasy Basketball because Michael Sardone edited the crap out of the Fantasy Draft Guide (very literally). PROPS. Shanghai World Financial Center sized props.