So right now you are sitting in the middle of the FG% war when you thought you had taken care of it on draft day. Well, the best way to work out of this situation is through trade. You have to pick someone who is resting comfortably ahead of you and try to bring them down. Some of the general concepts of inseason FG% games…

1. Trade away low FG% for high FG%. The most simple concept, remember, trading KG .479 for Lebron .481 does not do alot for your field goal percentage. It does help because Lebron takes close to 200 more shots than KG, but it won’t affect your percentile enough to outweigh having Jamal Crawford or Mike Bibby.

2. Determine the mean FG% in your league and aim to destroy that number with your new acquisitions. Here are the numbers from some leagues to give you some ideas.

First, the last league is my friend’s league. I asked him to screenshot the page and send it to me. Included in the screenshot was his winamp window… and well look at what was playing, conversely to his John Mayer, I put up what I was listening to. By the way, anyone else feel that John Mayer is just going to dump Jessica Simpson in a few months to cause drama in his life and give impetus to write a new album? I can’t blame him, I think after awhile I would do the same thing just so I could brag that I dumped Jessica Simpson, either way expect a song entitled “You Are To Dumb For My Heart” or “Your Plastic Don’t Fit My Mold.” Something awful like that.

I thought this was a joke when I first heard.

3. Aim high. Sure Carmello is having a career year at .477 and Kobe is taking “quality shots” shooting .461. But, these percentiles are not enough to make a point gaining jump in your numbers.

If you are below the league mean, then you can obviously see how adding a Kobe or a Lebron helps alot, but you recognize that if they were capable of pulling the team up to their season FG% you would still not challenge for the top 2 or 3 spots in the category.

Essentially, it is necessary to aim for players with FG%’s over .500 that have taken at least 650 shots so far this year.

4. Break the mold, trade Big for Small. The classic conception is that big players have better field goal percentage than small players. Thus, you have to move big for small to see increases… not true.

The league is a melting pot and there are guards and forwards that have high field goal percents. Inversely, there are also bigs with low FG%’s. Some anomalies you should eye.

Smalls (Relatively)
Luol Deng – .521
Tony Parker – .518
Shawn Marion – .516
Kevin Martin – .496

Bigs
Zach Randolph – .464
Jermaine O’Neal – .447
Al Harrington – .450
Mehmet Okur – .457

5. From this point on in the season you have about .008 percentile points to move at most. In some leagues .008 percentile points can gain you up to 5 points. Make the most of this change by giving discount prices on players to someone slightly above you in the FG%. Are you in fourth place? Good find someone in the top three within your point grasp and start giving them some discount rates. Sure Elton Brand or Carlos Boozer are not comparable tender for Gilbert Arenas, but they are when you can gain 5 points and bring one of your opponents down in points.

6. Finally, always remember that players that shoot more affect your percentiles more. Taking Gilbert Arenas kills your FG% because his .419% comes with a league leading 1,289 shot attempts. Here is a list to show you the top 25 players in FGA matched with their FG%. This is as good as it gets when trading for FG%.

Yea, pretty much I just told you to trade Gilbert Arenas. Hey, the Wizards are running all 12 men every night now, if you need more encouragement.

Actually, this is all under the assumption that you are not playing Viva Pinata all day. *looks at Nels*

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On top of these situations, the entire race will be boring. Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki are like Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey. They hang out a lot, compliment each other, serve as mutual protectors against the media, make-out some; you know, standard stuff. This BFF relationship means that there will not be any name calling or grudge matches. Just two guys who genuinely want each other to win the award saying exactly that, over and over again.

This picture was sickeningly easy to find.

The Defensive Player of the Year crawl is moving along slowly. I say crawl because the award is rarely highly contested and if the award ended up on Ben Wallace’s doorstep again this season few people would notice. Furthermore, the phrase crawl is apt because the perennial contenders of the last six years have all hit their limits. Ben Wallace is averaging 10.4 rebounds and 2.2 blocks, both contemporary Big Ben career lows.

Ron Artest, despite his career high in rebounding 6.7rpg and his respectable 2.2spg, has lost his defensive appeal. We have to agree that DPOY is awarded as much on hype and name value as anything else. It is impossible to comparing a center and guard is as scientific as Wilt Chamberlain deciding to score his next field goal with a blond or a brunette. Ok, bad analogy, Wilt Chamberlain would have given out a co-award. Back on topic, Ron Ron has lost his X-Factor status. Hell, Artest, Dante Hall and Aaron Boone are probably all playing a round of golf right now… or recording a rap CD, I heard on the street that A-Boone brings that Natti style pretty hard. Wait, does Aaron Boone already have a rap cd? *googles*

Manu Ginobili has aged six years in the past four months, he hardly plays 30 minutes anymore. The Argentine no a human highlight of lateral movement, instead he has become more of an inconvenience for youthful guards. Make no mistake, Ginobili is still a top tier defender and the scrappiest smartest player in the league, but he relies increasingly more on team defensive sets and less on his own pure ability.

Thus, with the pantheon of great defensive players ravaged by the pillar destructing force of age, I submit to you the Defensive Player of the Year candidacy of Marcus Camby.

Ok, so the last week may have him on the down side. Double digit rebounds only twice in his last eight. If I had to make a contemporary celebrity reference I would have to say that right now, he looks more like Kevin Smith than Jason Lee. Yes, I implied Kevin Smith is slipping/has lost it. I also implied that I finally got around to watching ‘My Name Is Earl’ and it kicks as much ass as popular culture has been claiming. But hey, Camby did get back on track with seven blocks against the Rockets and had a season-high five steals against the Magic.

Is that mustache Cambyman ready?

End of story, Camby averages 11.8 Rebounds per contest or 4th in the NBA. His rebound total of 557 registers him 14th in the league, this after missing 9 games. Playing those nine games would rank him 4th in total rebounds. Double end of story, Camby leads the league in BPG at 3.08 a showing, including 12 games with more than five blocks and six games with seven blocks. First place would easily be his in total blocks without time missed, with those nine games gone he just has to share with Josh Smith for a 3rd place tie of 148 blocks. Triple end of story, well not end of story, this is the weak part. Respectable steal totals is thy name. Camby’s 1.1 spg is 3rd out of centers and 8th out of centers and power forwards.

I understand that this is a shallow statistical analysis, but this season is like the movie Grandma’s Boy. F-ing hilarious from start to finish, but some people just don’t like it because there is no major actor anchoring the flick. This year, the league’s best defense is anchored by Shane Battier. The epic defenses of the past few years have faded; Detroit and San Antonio both play rather fast compared to previous years.

Go see this movie.

Perhaps you claim Camby is not qualified enough? After all, “He didn’t even make the All-Star team!” you say. Well, that was BS to begin with, his numbers were across the board better than Amare’s, but that aside. No problem, DPOY has been won five times by players that did not make the All-Star team; Michael Cooper in 87′, Mark Eaton in 89′, Dennis Rodman in 91′, Alonzo Mourning in 99′ and Ben Wallace in 2002.

Take it even a step further, the award has a precedent of going to a player on a team with a losing record. Cue Alvin Robertson on the 35-47 1886 San Antonio Spurs.

So break out that trophy, Marcus Camby has some good karma coming his way. Assuming he has already received some bad karma from the whole UMass thing.

Earl: Karma! I used to think this tattoo I got was just two tadpoles doing it, but it’s Karma!
Barfly: Karma? Like this tattoo I have of two cougars doing it?
Earl: No, that is just a tattoo of two cougars doing it.

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The Intro
- Word association time! Milli Vannilli, Ashlee Simpson and Wayne Newton. The common factor is not that they all dated Raab Himself from Jackass/CKY fame, only Ashlee Simpson garners that completely ridiculous distinction. Seriously, Raab himself? He was the most unappealing of all the Jackass guys, I guess props to him (I was not lying when I said I spent an hour prepping materials). The answer is of course… lip syncing. Wayne you had me fooled for the first minute of Viva Las Vegas. Only! Only! because the vocals were pretty poor. I thought, hell Wayne Newton is a vintage act. I walked by Lyle Lovett playing at Austin City Limits two years ago, I understand that sounding like a sorority girl halfway through her fifth Smirnoff while singing “Since U Been Gone” is more likely than the vocal tones that made you famous. But, as soon as they did the first close up, it was blatantly obvious… then Wayne you played instruments. I know you can play guitar, but you looked like a dockhand air guitaring “Sweet Home Alabama” on a freshly caught Flounder. After all this you miss your last set of cues. You lip sync the final note of the song too long, thus “singing” while no vocals are audible, then miss the “YEA!” at the end of the song. Now, I can’t really condemn you for that. I know you are not of the ‘musical accompaniment exclamatory vocal usage’ caliber of say Little John. But, please leave all exclamatory phrases that accentuate songs to the professionals.

- “Agent Zero, Shooting Hero,” thank you Mason. You were the bright spot in what turned out to be a very lame introduction. It looked for a split second like the East had something planned, but the name introductions started so quickly that any plan they had was scrapped. For the record I LOVE when sports get all theatrical for the introductions. Thus, this intro sequence left me heartbroken . Also, for the record, is it Mason or Ma$on? It has to be the second one, right?

- I can not complain excessively though. After all, the East did reenact the movie Stomp the Yard at practice the day before.

Quite simply, this video explains why Shaq can miss over 30 games and waltz into the All-Star Game starting line up without anyone asking for credentials. It explains why Shaq had an action figure, why he had a video game and martial arts style named after him (well I assume it is legit), why he had two feature movies and why he is the dynamic that carried the NBA from Jordan to LeBron. Again, quite simply, Shaq is the tits.

How can someone as big as Shaq have such sweet dance moves? Not only did Shaq serve both Dwight Howard and LeBron James, but footage clearly shows that he consumed Dwight Howard’s heart. I can only presume he gave it back. Hell, I am convinced that there is a niche market Shaq can fill here… the market for males over six feet tall that need to learn how to dance. Just like how Carmen Electra has painstakingly devoted her time and effort to help beleaguered MILF’s nationwide become strippers through her patented exercise videos. Shaq could help thousands of tall dark and handsome men take advantage of the hundreds of new MILF’s turned amateur strippers; courtesy of Carmen Electra. First up… 6’9 English striker Peter Crouch…

The Dunk Contest

Dwight Howard’s dunk… amazing. I was anticipating something innovative, so I had every one of my senses on alert to full appreciate the upcoming dunk. Yea, that includes taste. It tasted like a Snickers Ice Cream bar sandwiched between two blueberry donuts, freaking delicious.

This dunk deserves a perfect fifty not because he actually made the dunk or because of the 12’6″ sticker placement, but because of the planning that went into it…

If the judges knew the work that went behind Dwight Howard’s clever sticker slam, they might have appreciated his creativity. Teammates gave him the idea, but Rusty Morris and Melissa Miller from the Magic’s Creative Services Department made it, uh, stick.

On Tuesday, they snapped photos of Howard for an all-star logo and found the materials for the sticker. Then they had to help Dwight figure out a way to slap the sticker on the glass backboard. “We had to find a material that wouldn’t get stuck to the backboard like a label after he dunked,” said Morris, who turned to Oscar Gonzalez of C & S Press.

Gonzalez came up with a compound and special laminate for the sticker, which had “double-sided sticky tape,” Morris said.

They then had Dwight wrap the sticker around the ring finger on his left hand. With the sticker concealed in his huge hand, Howard practiced the dunk with 30 stickers.

Essentially, there is a hoop somewhere in Orlando, that is graffiti’d with over 30 of these Dwight Howard stickers. How long until that is on EBay? On top of Dwight’s specially assembled “Omega Delta Operation Sticker Dunk Task Force,” the presentation of the dunk was a spectacle in itself. If you need to see the presentation, feel free to watch it again. The presentation was so flawless that this dunk has to have been stuck in research groups and consumer surveys for over a year. Which sticker do you like better? What theatrical presentation makes you aware of the dunk quickest? Speaking of the theatrical presentation, Jameer Nelson had a tape measure hidden on him during the dunk! I expect that when he got home from Vegas there was a message on his answering machine from the National Carpenters Union asking him not to respond to situations so quickly as it makes the customers expect quicker response times. On top of that, there was the sign!

How late do you think Jameer and Dwight were up making that sign in Powerpoint? Even if they did not pull an all-nighter, I would bet money that this page got a hit from the duo.

Lastly, Gerald Green was the best dunker in the stadium last night. Props to him… Houston! Everyone knows that he is missing part of a finger right?

Agent Zero

If you happened to turn the game off early then you missed one of the highlights from a rather boring game.

Can I just say that I love this guy. Apparently, Shaq dared him to do this, Gilbert balked at the request. Then Shaq bet him $50K that he would not do it. Gilbert won the bet. Shaq and Gilbert agreed to donate the money to charity.

I found some keen videos on youtube of the All-Star game festivities so I felt obliged to share them with you.

This is a theatrical video with the festivities, some funny backstages scenes and interviews…

I recommend watching this video. Who does your favorite Elivs impersonation?

Hands down it is Steve Nash. Gilbert and D-Wade did not seem to into it. Also, try to tell me Wayne Newton was not lip syncing, just watch the opening few seconds. Why has there not been more talk of Chuck kissing Dick? Kenny Smith should be all over this.

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Getting this guy laid. The final frontier.

So many questions! But there are a few solid answers…

First: You Are Watching the Dunk Contest

Dwight Howard can sign the top of the backboard in a single leap. The Orlando Sentinel reported late last year that…

There is a spot on the very top of a backboard at the RDV Sportplex — almost 3 feet above the rim — where Dwight Howard signed his autograph during a single jump. Although the penmanship is shaky, the feat speaks volumes.

The Sentinel clearly needs to retake Sensationalized Journalism 101 again. They write a perfectly good article about Dwight Howard’s rebounding potential and skill, yet they use the above excerpt as the one line intro. If this story got to US Weekly, which I have a weekly battle with while using the restroom, the cover would be “CAN HE DO IT WHILE DUNKING?” Ladies and Gentlemen we can only pray that Dwight Howard attempts to go Terrell Owens on the backboard while dunking.

We actually have to hope that Howard tries to autograph the backboard, because the NBA outrageously shot down his request to have the rim raised to 12 feet. Marc Stein reports through some Orlando sources that…

Orlando sources report that Howard has been practicing a couple wicked maneuvers that might inject this dying competition with the ingenuity/originality it desperately needs. One is a 360 throwdown with the rim hiked to 12 feet, two feet higher than regulation. The other sets the rim at 11 1/2 feet and has Howard purportedly going between his legs with the ball in mid-air before flushing.

As a huge fan of the NBA, I am forced to openly ask… Why can’t I watch this? Would doing this sully the integrity of the fallen from grace dunk contest? David Stern, incase you did not notice, you are hosting a footrace between a 67 year old ref and a beastly overweight Sir Charles. It will be part of the festivities, yet you refuse to raise the rim for some dunks that would make the human highlight reel cringe? Additionally, Stein claims that Nate Robinson also asked the league to raise the rim! If the shortest guy in the competition, who is giving up a foot and 2 inches to Howard, asks you to raise the rim… YOU RAISE THE DAMN RIM!

This year raising the bar 11 inches and jumping Isaiah Rider?

Isaiah Rider’s body of work.

If you have three minutes to waste watch this highlight video of the whole contest, then read my comments.

- To further invalidate Robert Pack, second dunker James Robinson made the playoffs five times. Who the hell is James Robinson?

- So we realize quickly that the only people that can dunk are Isaiah Rider, Antonio Davis… did I just say that? and Shawn Kemp. Kemp lost to Rider in the finals after it was discovered that his dunk impregnated two women.

- How lame was Allan Houston’s off the head dunk… he caught it on the ground.

- The best moment of the video is at the 2 minute mark when Barkley reacts to Rider’s dunk.

So, like me you feel cheated because you won’t witness Howard going 360 tomahawk on a 12 foot rim? Well it does not stop there. On top of the rim raising fiasco, Howard’s assist man Jameer Nelson may have bailed on him. Who knows what they were practicing, but there have been no Hedo Turkoglu sightings in Las Vegas yet.

Lastly, do not forget that Gulf Shores alum Gerald Green has had ‘Highflyer’ status since his inception as a rookie last season. Gerald is the favorite going into the contest, this passage should give you a hint as to why…

…something honoring the late Red Auerbach. Could Green, who has a 48-inch vertical leap, possibly dunk the ball, retrieve a cigar from atop the backboard, and light it up on the way down?

Just the thought makes me sick with anticipation. Also, expect Paul Pierce to show up for All-Star Saturday and give some service to the Celtics future SG/SF. Odd considering that Paul Pierce hates playing for the future. He has even advocated trading the upcoming Celtics pick for veteran help.

and Second – Dwight Howard MVP

The only scenario in which Dwight Howard does not win MVP is as follows. Gilbert Arenas does some sleuthing and finds out who made up the USA basketball selection committee. He then convinces Mike D’Antoni to add all of them to his coaching staff. Cue 50 point explosion. Seriously though, Dwight Howard is this games MVP for a simple reason… He does not drink alcohol, claims to have never had a drop of it. Additionally, Dwight will get some serious play time, at least by All-Star standards. No surprise here, this announcement is just further added credibility to Shaq’s esteemed reputation.

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Last year’s Eastern All Stars set a new precedent in introductions. Can this year challenge it?

So here are my picks for the Eastern Conference Dance Squad…….errrrrr All Star/Dance team.

Dwyane Wade – Guard

38G .483FG .812FT 18T’s 1079PT 186RB 297AT 78ST 44B 151TO

Instead of listing everything great about Dwyane, let’s list the things that would of prevented this All Star appearance; life threatening injury, the apocalypse, reinstatement of the draft and subsequent drafting, new episode of Grey’s Anatomy on game night or the game being in a party laden location such as Las Vegas. The major question surrounding Wade and the All Star Game is if he will do the ever so graceful backwards plummet to the ground and slide across the floor after every shot a la the finals. By the way, most of the mixtapes from the finals on youtube are pretty bad, I could not sit through them to find a clip for you.

Gilbert Arenas – Guard

44G .430FG .838FT 135T’s 1302PT 204RB 282AT 86ST 5B 151TO

Leads the league in Points, Three Pointers and Dream Destroying Shots, also known as game winners. If this is not enough Gilbert adds to his All Star resume with the leagues best . In the blog he has called his huge games, remember the date Feb. 11th, called out Mike D’Antoni and Nate McMillian, told us how he was to busy to enjoy his party and claimed he could drop 70-80 points on Duke and would take a year off the NBA if the NCAA would grant him eligibility to do this. I can not wait to see what dance moves Gilbert adds to this year’s intro. Not to mention the arena will explode when he is introduced.

LeBron James

43G .479FG .694FT 59T’s 1169PT 294RB 260AT 70ST 29B 153TO

The people have spoken! And they love .694 free throw percentiles! The King is still doing his thing. I sense a bit of apathy, perhaps the regular season is not as exciting as winning a playoff series. I do not expect LeBron to repeat his MVP performance at this game. Think about it, you are LeBron James, one of the most popular people in America. You are in Las Vegas for a weekend where hundreds of parties will be hosted and you could be the guest of honor at any one of them. Yea… you are going to be sober for the big game… I expect LeBron to look a little like this…

Jermaine O’Neal

40G .450FG .754FT 0T’s 781PT 414RB 111AT 29ST 121B 113TO

Does Jermaine qualify for the General Manager All Star team also? Everytime the Pacers make any move the media talks more about Jermaine’s wishes than the teams future. That aside, O’Neal is just going to work every day and making life difficult for everyone on the opposing team. Chris Bosh is having a great season also, but I have always felt that Jermaine O’Neal is the most underrated defensive player in the league. Ben Wallace’s parade has shut out O’Neal’s abilities, but in this case, I give Jermaine the starting spot for his defensive skill, that will not be on display at the game.

Dwight Howard – Center

45G .560FG .625FT 1T’s 766PT 549RB 77AT 33ST 83B 162TO

Why can high school products not enter the big league anymore? Dwight has been almost surreal this season. This is an obvious consensus pick. He provides everything you want out of a center and even made a three pointer, look out Mehmet Okur. Sorry Shaq, you did not sell enough Nestle Crunch bars to make the All Star team this year.

The Bench
Chris Bosh- Center

35G .501FG .745FT 10T’s 794PT 379RB 80AT 15ST 44B 96TO

The Southpaw from North of the border, well deserving of a trip to the desert. Everyone would like to see Bosh use his size to harness some more rebounds and blocks… but then we remember that is he already one of the most dominant big men in the Conference. In fact, my desires to see Chris Bosh up his stats is sparking me to look inward at the soulless demanding stat whore I am. Perhaps I should never have a kid and if I do we should stay away from anything that allows me to judge him against other kids… let’s face it, he/she/wildebeest is screwed.

Also, in the event you thought I would put Eddy Curry on this team the same way I vouched for Marcus Camby, then here is the Curry news… Eddy Curry Cries… Starbury and Crawford cry…

Caron Butler – Forward

46G .473FG .871FT 16T’s 942PT 370RB 181AT 97ST 14B 131TO

If the 2006-7 season is the “Takeover” for Gilbert Arenas, then this year is the “Emancipation” for Caron Butler. This season is no makeover. Butler has been trapped for years on bad teams that underutilized him and wrote him off as an infertile piece to the championship puzzle. He has been trapped as the best player on the 2003 Heat team, then trapped as the best player on the 2004 Heat team, then trapped as the best player not named Black Mamba on the 2005 Lakers. With the Wizards Butler has finally found a scheme that let’s him unleash all of his potential. So as a quick announcement, Phil Jackson and Pat Riley since you never got to see Caron Butler play his brand of basketball, it will be on display at the All-Star game later this month.

Antawn Jamison – Forward

44G .461FG .771FT 95T’s 847PT 349RB 83AT 53ST 29B 56TO

I’ll give you a second to put your head back together after the explosion. Yea, Antawn Jamison, I said it. How many players in the league have 90 threes and 300 rebounds? One, Jamison, the next closest is Okur with 83 threes then Jason Kidd with 73. Admittedly, that is an odd standard to judge All Star status with. How about rebounds and points then, say 800PT’s and 300RB’s. Howard, KG, Boozer, Timmy, Randolf, Marion, Jermaine, Dirk, Amare, Brand, Butler, Okur, Curry, Deng, LeBron. Fifteen players, some elite company made up of All-Stars, Randolf, Okur and Brand are all All-Stars in the East anyway.

Additionally, let’s not forget we normally reward the best team in the conference with an extra All-Star, *waves at Josh Howard’s imminent addition and last years all Pistons line.* If you don’t think the Wizards were the best team in the first half of the Eastern Conference, then watch one of their games. Don’t forget, they the provide the conference’s most flourishing offense where dunks, three pointers and game winners are seemingly scheduled for appointments. /off soap box

Jason Kidd – Guard

47G .435FG .811FT 73T’s 686PT 380RB 411AT 79ST 16B 129TO

Third in the league in assists; first in his conference. Top 25 in the league in rebounds, 8th in steals. This is why he is making the entirely reasonable sum of $18million this year. Cheers to your first All Star game sans crazy wife.

Richard Hamilton – Guard

43G .463FG .871FT 27T’s 973PT 167RB 154AT 36ST 12B 87TO

Part of me wants to just write ‘Best off the ball movement in the league.’ Rip has held this title for four years now, time he finally gets rewarded for it… well a reward aside from his point totals.

Joe Johnson – Guard

Coaches can lie to themselves all they want, “Joe Johnson is the best player on a bad team. That does not make him All-Star worthy.” Well 16 different teams/coaches have lost to the Hawks, so how did they not get this message?

Chauncey Billups – Guard

This spot is being gifted to Detroit. Chauncey is removed from his MVP caliber season last year, his production is nothing epic, but he still deserves to run.

Sorry about the abrupt end, but come argue about it here…

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My sources in the dunk community say Hollins can dunk from the free-throw line off a two-footed jump, which ain’t something you see every day. Bobcats teammate Emeka Okafor, meanwhile, reports that Hollins has “make-believe” vertical ability.

Two-Footed from the free throw line!?!?!?! Either Ryan Hollins is out of this world or everyone that has ever witnessed this dunk was high on PCP. This guy has to be in the dunk contest… HAS TO BE. The dunk contest has gotten increasingly stale over the years. Nate Robinson’s win last year proves it, his inferior dunks won out due to the innovative/nostalgic dunk over Spud Webb. As opposed to the more impressive dunks from Iggy. If Ryan Hollins can come anywhere near doing this, he has to be in the show. The funny thing is, if he does it, half of the people watching will not know what they just witnessed.

Hollins is 7 foot and was a collegiate high jumper at UCLA where he cleared 6’10 at the PAC-10 championships. This season he has played 46 minutes and has an impressive 13 fouls in that time. Also, he has gotten to the line 13 times. I am now at the peak of my interest and must see him play, time to goto a bar and ask to put the Bobcats game on.

Here is all I could find…

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Carlos Boozer is out for 3 – 5 weeks with a hairline fracture in his knee. Pick up Paul Millsap immediately if you need rebounds and FG%.

SALT LAKE CITY (January 31, 2007) – The Utah Jazz announced today that a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and additional x-rays revealed a hairline fracture in Carlos Boozer’s left fibula head. Jazz physician Dr. Lyle Mason treated Boozer and identified the hairline fracture, which was then confirmed by a second opinion. Injuries of this nature typically take four to five weeks to fully heal.

I said preseason that Boozer just seems to fall on bad luck every year. This is the latest in a very promising career that is consistently being hampered by bad luck.

If you are an adventurous owner you may want to throw some buy low trades at AK-47. As I posted Yesterday Boozer has been going Tom Brady on Bledsoe-47. Without Carlos Boozer in the lineup I expect AK-47 to see a jump in rebounds and blocks. I do not foresee his points jumping to much because the offense has found other weapons, but you never know.

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Starters
Steve Nash – Guard

The guy on the right can start also.
43G .536FG .876FT 112T’s 843PT 142RB 514AT 31ST 2B 159TO

Anyone else find it ridiculous that at this moment, I could propose a rule requiring the reigning MVP to be a starter in this game? He leads the league in assists… by 97… he has a .536FG%… he is a point guard in case you missed that… oh, he has that percentage with 226 three point attempts… with 112 connections, hrm, that is a 49.6% completion rate, this is all just the epitome of ridiculous. Oh, I forgot that he is the leading member of the most exciting offense since the 80′s and has a third consecutive MVP within arms reach.

Kobe Bryant – Guard

41G .471FG .856FT 65T’s 1165PT 221RB 226AT 49ST 17B 144TO

I am not a Kobe fan. I never have been. In fact the only thing I like about him is his endless supply of nicknames… Black Mamba is my personal favorite. Can I just say, I respect Kobe and his dominance, this is proof. Now what number will he wear in the All-Star game? Will he punch anyone that blocks him?

Dirk Nowitzki – Forward

44G .502FG .900FT 43T’s 1113PT 421RB 143AT 28ST 31B 93TO

I am an enormous Dirk fanboy. A poster of his has rested on my closet door for years. Half to show my dedication and half to mock every college guy that has a naked pinup in that location. It seems that he will forever suffer from KG and Timmy D’s dominance over the fans. Perhaps he could get a start if he won a title or an MVP, or saved some orphans from a fire, or converted to Scientology. Whatever the case he seems screwed, remember that Grant Hill started in 2005… fan loyalty lasts forever.

I think his numbers and leadership talk better than i could.

Kevin Garnett – Forward

43G .480FG .835FT 6T’s 984PT 535RB 183AT 60ST 81B 112TO

Again, numbers and leadership do more talking than I can. This atrocious Wolves team is around .500 because of the tireless efforts of this man. Hell, when I watch these games he seems so effortless. As a first time KG owner, I am tickled with his production but also torn. Because, it does not seem like he is applying himself like in previous seasons. Rather, he is just that damn good. Trying or not, KG easily waltzes into this lineup.

Marcus Camby – Center

37G .477FG .704FT 0T’s 448PT 455RB 109AT 34ST 111B 58TO

Remember the rules? I can not vote for Timmy as he is not center eligible on the ballot. Also, I won’t vote for Yao due to the injury, he gets an honorable mention bench spot. Both of these players aside, Camby is having an outstanding season. If I gave out the defensive player of the year award this would be my choice. Sure he is not an offensive stud like when he came into the league, but his defensive presence can not be ignored. Ten Nuggets games have ended with Camby dominating the block column for five or more blocks. Also, he has a staggering 13 games with 15+ rebound games. Don’t forget his broken finger set him back some games, so that is 1/3 of his games. Every third game he is grabbing 15 rebounds, period.

Amare Stoudemire is the consensus choice for this spot, but look at the numbers. Camby out performs Stoudemire in every category except for the percentiles and points. All this in eight less games. I think Stoudemire is dominant, but Camby is just having a stellar season and deserves to be on this team. It just so happens that he weaseled his way into my starting lineup because of rules and my unwillingness to vote Yao a starter due to injury. It should be noted that I did this despite being from Houston, it pained me.

The Bench
Tim Duncan – Center

46G .536FG .631FT 0T’s 937PT 488RB 160AT 34ST 107B 141TO

Ha! I worked him on as a center. Remember, on the coaches ballot you can assign a player any position you feel he can play. I have a feeling that every coach in the league except Pops would play Duncan at center. This is the biggest lie since George Michael’s heterosexuality. Seriously, how did the 80′s miss that one (no insult to Wham, I know all the lyrics to the song, you do also)? Wham! references aside (yes the ‘!’ is mandatory just like the lightening bolt in AC/DC) Tim Duncan is having another picturesque year. Just like KG, he is not trying his hardest, but who the hell has noticed? I predict Duncan will make the All-Star team every year of his career until they repaint the box on the backboard into a different shape. I wonder what Duncan’s shooting percentage would drop to if they changed that from a box to a trapezoid, or a pentagram, or a heartagram? Do i have to pay Bam Margera for making that joke?

Shawn Marion – Forward

45G .527FG .832FT 53T’s 851PT 454RB 74AT 96ST 65B 67TO

The Matrix is the perfect nickname. His statistics defy reality. I watched all the Suns games that have been on national TV recently, as always Shawn Marion was invisible the whole game. Dunk here, loose ball tip there, three from the corner perhaps a block, he never does anything to monopolize your attention. The announcers have finally noticed this, if I hear Hubie Brown say “remember Marion does all this without having any plays run for him all game,” one more time, I will probably cry with joy. Hubie Brown, hands down the best announcer, can I put him on the All Star team? The Wachowski brothers should be paying Marion for restoring honor to his nickname after they left it in sequel shambles (I actually like those movies, but public opinion rules). The last thing I have to say about Marion, Sean and I watched a Suns game awhile back and took a drink for every dribble Marion took. Well next time we do this, we will get some heavy liquor, eight drinks… all game. I was more sober after the game than before.

Carlos Boozer – Forward

45G .569FG .697FT 0T’s 995PT 531RB 137AT 41ST 13B 121TO

22.1 and 11.8. There is no reason aside from rampant hereditary alcoholism to not love Carlos Boozer. A perpetually injured player finally playing to his potential… wait 13 blocks is his full potential? I am ready to anoint the Alaskan born beast as the best true power forward in the West. Sure, TD, KG, Dirk are all good, but there is a constant ambiguous debate about their positions. You know just by looking at him what position he plays. Carlos Boozer puts on Charles Barkley’s shoes then goes to work. Not only is Boozer having the best year of his career. But his resurgence has put a well known Russian All Star and teammate in the dog house. Don’t think for a second that there is not a correspondence between Boozer’s rise and AK-47′s demise.

Allen Iverson – Guard

34G .435FG .851FT 32T’s 982PT 93RB 256AT 71ST 6B 148TO

I have been down with interleague/conference All Stars ever since that time Carlos Beltran was traded to the Astros right before the All Star game. So I can get behind this selection. If there is any doubt, he is proving how good he is with his increasing assist numbers. Amazing, he may actually be better when he has a decent amount of talent around him.

Tracy McGrady – Guard

Memories *swoon*
36G .441FG .683FT 63T’s 842PT 196RB 224AT 39ST 20B 112TO

The time that he missed hurts him a lot. If he does not miss that time then he is a starter for sure. 23.4, 5.4 and 6.2. Tracy has undergone an evolution this season. The last two weeks we have seen the Tracy of old. Capable of taking over a game and willing his team to victory. However, earlier in the season we saw the new McGrady, the gentle Tracy who passed first. T-Mac already has 4 games with ten dimes, the previous two season saw him net five games of 10 or more dimes total. Right here there are some sentiments in play. The Rockets are playing the best defensive basketball in the league and deserve to have an All Star for playing as well as they have without T-Mac and Yao for time. All this while manning up for the toughest schedule in the league.

Josh Howard – Utility

37G .454FG .831FT 55T’s 719PT 265RB 72AT 45ST 36B 65TO

Ok, I am riding the bandwagon on this one. The Mavs deserve a second All Star for their league leading record. After last year, that is an All Star game rule. If you can not put the entire starting lineup of the leagues best team into the All Star game then you have to put at least two guys there. Jason Terry is having a good year also, but Josh Howard has shown more all around game and growth. We remember the Jet reaching these heights, it is more fun from a spectators position to watch Josh Howard achieve this. If Dirk could run for President, this would be his running mate.

Amare Stoudemire – Utility

45G .604FG .773FT 0T’s 837PT 401RB 27AT 32ST 63B 109TO

Two knee surgeries later Amare deserves to be in Las Vegas. While he is no longer an instant Hall of Fame candidate, he is back to his old tricks. I will admit again that sentiments are at play here. Everyone including myself wants Amare to get back on the horse. Also, we want to run three Suns out on the court at the same time and see if they create havoc against the East. Will Kobe play with them or is he still bitter about the playoffs?

I just want to highlight that if injuries had not taken them down I would have Yao Ming and the forgotten about Rashard Lewis on this team.

Feel free to debate my picks in the forum.

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- The list is ordered. Here is an alphabetical ordering of the coaches. Rick Adelman, Scotty Brooks, Larry Brown, Tony Brown, Jeff Bzdelik, P.J. Carlesimo, Johnny Davis, Sasha Djordjevic, Patrick Ewing, Czar Fratello, Del Harris, Marc Iavroni, Bill Laimbeer, John Lucas, Jim O’Brien, Paul Silas, Keith Smart, Erik Spoelstra, Tom Thibodeau, Stan Van Gundy, Paul Westhead, Lenny Wilkins, Herb Williams, Randy Wittman and Jay Wright.

- 15 of 25 have already held a position as head coach. Adelman, L. Brown, Bzdelik, Carlesimo, Davis, Fratello, Harris, Lucas, O’Brien, Silas, Smart, Van Gundy, Westhead, Wilkins and Williams.

- 15 of 25 played in the NBA. Adelman, Brooks, L. Brown, T. Brown, Davis, Djordjevic, Ewing, Iavroni, Laimbeer, Lucas, Silas, Smart, Wilkins, Williams and Wittman.

- 10 of 25 are currently assistants. Brooks (Kings), T. Brown (Celtics), Carlesimo (Spurs), J. Davis (Pacers), Iavaroni (Suns), Smart (Warriors), Spoelstra (Heat), Thibodeau (Rockets), Williams (Knicks) and Wittman (now coach).

- 3 of 25 have no basketball-reference profile. Erik Spoelstra, Tom Thibodeau and Jay Wright.

- Randy Wittman is now the head coach of the TimberWolves. I expect Randy Foye to start playing a copious amount of minutes as Kevin McHale tries to coach the team from the front office. Why does he not just jump on the floor again? McHale! Quit trying to pull a Clint Eastwood by coaching and acting in your own movie and just quit the front office and step on the floor again. Or are you afraid that coaching again would tarnish your %.645 win percentage as a coach, 19 – 12.

- Patrick Ewing……… I am speechless. Not in the way you are astounded by something. Rather, it’s more like the first time I listened to Adam Sandler’s debut comedy cd and heard that line “I just stood there and stared at his big beautiful hairy balls.” I wanted to scream in laughter, but at the same time I was paralyzed and could not make any noise because I could not believe he just made that joke.

- The most interesting name on the list is Marc Iavroni. Everyone knows that he is leaving the Suns and getting the Raptors job in the offseason. The intriguing aspect of this transition is how much further will the Brian Colangelo exodus go? Remember the Suns are going to be strapped to keep all of their players. Could the Matrix be showcasing his ability to make all-star teams without dribbling in Canada in the coming years?

- Lifelong Rockets fans rejoice! Following the Scott Skiles mold, Scotty Brooks is moving up the ranks!

- Can we declare the classic coaches revival as dead? I know that several of these guys could show up and run a bad team to a mediocre record, but what is the point? Especially since Hubie Brown destroyed the golden standard for the decade differential in coaching.

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Despite an underachieving rookie class the NBA is holding it’s annual Sophomore Rookie All-Star festivities in Las Vegas on Feburary 16th. From a fantasy perspective this would be a three man roster, but alas, the roster consists of nine players and I will fill it out as such. By the way, I say three players while referencing my league which has 17 man rosters.

The Starting Line Up

PG – Randy Foye
MPG 18.9 PPG 8.4 RPG 2.1 APG 2.1 SPG .71 FG% .421 FT% .847

Let the out of position festivities commence! Foye has shown good promise in Minnesota’s backcourt. His numbers are on target considering his measly 18.9 mpg. I would laud his production and claim that if he received 30 mpg he would be winning rookie of the year, but Foye’s inconsistency rivals Ben Affleck’s. Loved him in Good Will Hunting, hated him in Armageddon, loved him in Chasing Amy, hated him in Pearl Harbor, hated him in Dogma, but loved the movie, hated him in Reindeer Games, The Sum of All Fears, Daredevil, Gigli, Jersey Girl… Ok, i have not seen any of the movies i just listed, but I can assure you, i have not liked any movie Ben Affleck made post Dogma.

SG – Brandon Roy
MPG 31.1 PPG 13.4 RPG 3.7 APG 2.9 SPG 1.0 FG% .413 FT% .870

I don’t really care if Roy missed 20 games this year. He is the only rookie this season to show any inkling of consistency. This, makes him the best rookie in my opinion. Recall how Adam Morrison was the ‘scoring machine’ of this draft? Well Roy averages only .3 PPG less and he has actually heard of the other categories, especially the percentiles.

SF- Adam Morrison
MPG 32.9 PPG 13.7 RPG 3.1 APG 2.1 SPG 0.34 BPG .09 FG% .374 FT% .745

Morrison leads all rookies in scoring at 13.7 ppg and All-Star games/festivies are not won with defense. Morrison has had a successful rookie campaign this year, we expected him to score and so far he has delivered. The only thing that worries me is that his ppg is a little low for a ‘scoring machine’ receiving his allocation of minutes.

PF – Andrea Bargnani
MPG 23.1 PPG 10.4 RPG 3.7 APG 0.7 SPG 0.43 BPG 0.95 FG% .412 3P% .350 FT% .820

Darko be damned. Andrea Bargnani AKA the NBA’s Marshall Plan; the best international player taken since Darko’s disastrous flop was Andris Biedrins in 2004; Fran Vazquez did not help either. Bargnani’s seven foot frame has made him tops in the rookie class in blocked shots. Coincidentally the same seven foot frame has made him tops in the rookie class in 3P%. Bargnani is making a great first impression, the only problem he raises is, what position does he play? Not PF as long as Chris Bosh is in town.

C -

Greg Oden?

Andris Biedrins?

Optimus Prime?

The Bench

F- Shelden Williams
MPG 22.4 PPG 6.6 RPG 6.3 APG 0.5 SPG 0.7 BPG 0.6 FG% .467 FT% .869
Williams has faced adversity so far this year. He leads rookies in rebounding, but only receives 22.4 minutes a game. Marvin Williams continues to get hurt allowing Shelden to post solid numbers. Despite Shelden’s production Atlanta keeps bringing Marvin back to cancel out Shelden’s production. At this point it appears that the two are the same player. Until something gives at this position Shelden is relgated to the verge of being a fantasy commodity.

F- Paul Millsap
MPG 15.3 PPG 6.0 RPG 4.1 APG 0.5 SPG 0.7 BPG 0.9 FG% .559 FT% .686
Millsap was performing great at the start of the year. He had two double doubles and frequently pulled down 7 or 8 boards. Field Goal percentage is always an issue with rookies, but Millsap leads the class. He had a brief 3 week stint with my fantasy team, but has lost fantasy value.

F – LaMarcus Aldridge
MPG 18.8 PPG 7.1 RPG 3.9 APG 0.4 SPG 0.3 BPG 1.0 FG% .489 FT% .790
He may not be at the game, but in my opinion he has been one of the best rookies this season. His 18.8 MPG is ridiculous. Aldridge has shown his viability through his 48mpg averages, but Nate McMillian is not paying attention. It seems that Aldridge will start getting more run, as he does pick him up.

F – Craig Smith
MPG 16.8 PPG 6.5 RPG 4.7 APG 0.6 SPG 0.7 BPG 0.2 FG% .552 FT% .638

Ok, I know, this is Rudy Gay’s spot. But everyone talks about Rudy Gay and what a good player he will be. I have never been in a conversation about the NBA (not college) and heard Craig Smith’s name come up. He is quietly braving the constant Minnesota cold with 6.5 and 4.7. Not to mention, he earned all his playing time. Craig Smith did not show up at training camp with any degree of clout. He was the 36th pick of the draft, he showed up and KG put a collar on him. NBA.com referenced his play as an “Unheralded Rookie Looking Good.” This is basketball’s David Eckstein, I am calling that here. Craig Smith for All Rookie Team 07!

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