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Addition by subtraction and then addition. That’s what the Magic did. They let Darko and Grant Hill go and landed Rashard Lewis. The Magic Dancers are hoping for the same kind of equation as they lost a few promising young ladies, brought back a bunch of middle of the road girls, and fleshed out the roster with what we in the business would call “upside potential.”

(Also, this blog should totally have been called Upside Potential)

Anywho, to check out a semi-retrospective of last year’s dance squad, check out Black and Blue Magic’s August Archive. You have to get about half way down and there’s a dancer tournament. It acutally starts in July, so you can go back there if you want to see more.

As for a semi-retrospective of the Magic fantasy team… check this:

Last Season’s Ratings (without TOs, with TOs):
14, 9 – Rashard Lewis
50, 98 – Dwight Howard
105, 114 – Hedo Turkoglu
113, 151 – Jameer Nelson
186, 207 – Trevor Ariza
239, 237 – Tony Battie
230, 238 – Keyon Dooling
289, 251 – J.J. Redick
255, 272 – Carlos Arroyo
292, 276 – Keith Bogans
308, 279 – Adonal Foyle
394, 383 – Pat Garrity
434, 393 – James Augustine
NR, NR – Marcin Gortat
NR, NR – Mikolan Rakovic

I put in the ratings with and without turnovers because in this case, it seems to demonstrate a pretty profound problem (hooray for consonance). If you’re drafting Dwight Howard, you know he’s going to hurt your FT% (8.1 attempts per game at 59%). But it might also help (or hurt) to note how much he’s going to kill your Turnovers, if that’s a category in your league (3.9 turnovers per game). The turnovers, though, should go down this season, because that generally happens as players get more experience and learn how to take care of the ball better.

Magic Starting Lineup:
PG: Jameer Nelson
SG: Trevor Ariza
SF: Rashard Lewis
PF: Hedo Turkoglu
C: Dwight Howard

With Ariza coming in at 186/207, there’s not a lot beyond the starting lineup that you’ll want to take in your draft. The Magic’s rookies, um, I’ve never heard of them. I’m pretty sure that any rookies who will be worth having on your team, I would have heard of them. Trust me. I don’t just follow the cheerleaders.

At least the Magic didn’t go after this guy:

So here’s where you should draft these guys:
Dwight Howard – 2nd round
Rashard Lewis – 2nd round
Jameer Nelson – late 7th/early 8th round
Trevor Ariza – last round if there’s more than 12 rounds
Hedo Turkoglu – last round if there’s more than 12 rounds

And here’s some gratuitous cheerleader pics:

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Okay… so I’ve been waiting a while to bust out this kind of joke. Thank You Isaiah did it first with the Luolcats, and I think it’s pretty much the greatest thing ever. If you don’t get the reference, please click here. I would like to thank Rachel for giving me the opportunity to finally make use of the Lolcat Generator. I knew it had to be good for more than just cats.

If you’ve read this far, you may have noticed that I didn’t make LOL versions of the first two pictures that Rachel had in her gratuitous section. I leave that as a challenge to the reader. The first one should be pretty easy, but I couldn’t come up with anything short enough to fit on the picture. And yeah, I know the rock in mai boot one isn’t that funny. You want your money back or something?

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Although Nels has already mentioned it, if you still want more NBA draft/fantasy basketball readin’, I would highly recommend Draft-o-Rama! from the Fantasy Basketblog guys. They’ve come out of their summer hibernation to give us part diary, part fantasy analysis of this year’s draft. Like most of their stuff, it’s long, intelligent, interesting, and spot on in so many ways.

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I’m leaning towards the Cavs in this one based on their ability to put out 10 videos to the Spurs Silver Dancers who only have 4.

The balance of power shifts, though, when you recall that I voted Kim the number two hottest All-Star Dancer. None of the Cavs dancers (lamely called the Cavalier Girls – but wisely appealing to all the pervs out there) even made the list (the list was only 5 dancers though so really you the odds are pretty slim – kind of like most of the dancers).

The balance of power shifts back, though, because the Cavalier Girls have 26 photo galleries. Their site is also easier to find your way around. The Silver Dancers site seemed like it should have more, and while it’s a prettier site, it’s really quite shallow when it comes down to it. And the CG site made it a lot easier for me to grab photos for this post.

The photos are out of date since they don’t have the 06-07 calendar pictures online (understandably), but really, everyone knows that the best place to get cheerleader pictures is at Sports Illustrated anyway.

I know whenever my hair gets blown in my face, I’m forced to hang onto my swimsuit for dear life.

Yes, all women need somwhere to rest their hands. If you don’t have pockets to put them in, the top of your swimsuit is the next best place. Followed by the bottom of your swimsuit, but really, only hos do that.

No good caption for this one. Just wanted to show off those skyscrapers. The ones in the Cleveland skyline.

WINNER: Cavalier Girls by +4.5 (if you’re betting)

Winner of the series? Sorry, it’s going to San Antonio.

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So, I’m going to be a total bitch and pick out the Top 5 Dancers (I’m pretty sure it’s been done before, but I’ll do it again)

NUMBER 5: I’m going with Courtney from the Brand Spanking New Celtics Dancers (and not just cause Patrick is our Celtics guy)

NUMBER 4: Jaclyn from the New Jersey Nets Dancers (you’ll have to click on here to get the pictures, the whole thing is Flash so I couldn’t download anything). As a sidenote, I think Terry probably would have been a better overall choice for the Nets, so you might check her out too.

NUMBER 3: Gina from the Phoenix Suns Dancers (even though her outfit totally looks like what the Kings dancers should be wearing)

NUMBER 2: Kim from the San Antonio Spurs Dancers

NUMBER 1: (with a Bullet) Katherine from the Miami Heat Dancers. I think Katherine was pretty much a unanimous choice for the All-Star team, and probably for hottest dancer and/or cheerleader in The League.

As an added bonerus, the Mavs Dancers each have their own video “Close Up”. Oh, and the video “Close Up” features the making of the swimsuit calendar. But it gets better… the slideshow of the dancer keeps going while the video is playing for HandsFree™ viewing.

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Also, since the PCD don’t actually write any of their own material (I’m about 98% sure on that), you can’t really blame them for how terrible the spot is. Cause also, they did win an MTV award for best dance video. So, maybe they’re just better at promoting the shaking of the booty than the bouncing of the ball.

Promote shaking that booty girl

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Anywho, today’s, or really this week’s, question comes from the Front Lines of Los Grizzlies de Memphis.

What’s the deal with Pau Gasol. How’s Hakim Warrick going to be when he gets back?

if this was Nels, he’d probably make some comment about the grammar in the above question, but my grammar probably ain’t all that good either.

You can bet that the Grizz are a bit anxious for Pau to get back. Check out that Pau-er he’s packing in those guns. Looks like an alien might bust out of that shoulder or something.

Anyway, Pau’s been cleared to practice, but only if there’s 6 people or less on the court. Stats.com says there will be an announcement about his status coming this week. So, it would probably be smart of me to hold off on actually doing the analysis until we hear about that. But I’ve got stuff to do the other nights this week… so, tonight’s the night.

Let’s just look at this practically. When Pau gets back, is it going to take something away from Warrick? Well, I mean Stromile Swift and Jake Tsakalidis are scoring 15 points (combined), so, if they never see the light of the arena again (probably for the best), Pau can take those points, and a little more without anyone even thinking something’s wrong (except for Strom and Jake). Now, except for maybe Chucky Atkins, I have to think that the guards on the team can’t really score any less than they are right now. So if Chucky stops chucking, that’s going to get Pau to 19-20 points a game, which is his average form last season, and Warrick hasn’t even had to sacrifice yet. H-Dub is only playing 32 minutes a game, and his backup is list as Lawrence Roberts.

Now, I’m not sure how someone goes 14-15 from the line and then sits out the next two games, but Lawrence Roberts has done just that.

So, pretty much all the minutes at C and PF are wide open for Warrick and Gasol. I do have to say, traditional thinking says that Pau coming back will make Warrick’s stats come down a skosh. But the guys only at 16 and 6, and there is not a lot of talent walking around that locker room.

Not packing much in the ladies locker room either, if you know what I mean. (Yes, it’s my unofficial job to scout the cheerleaders now – I suppose mabeuf could help, but he seems to have some serious reporting to do, and those other two are married so they can’t scout the cheerleaders without fear of the Wrath of a Woman Scorned)

Warricks FTs have been a lot better recently, and his FT%is pretty solid. I found him at number 102 on the GMTR fantasy basketball player rater (yeah, I know a think or two about search engine links). I have to think it’s a pretty solid bet he’ll end the season right around there.

Moving on…

Another letter in the mailbag was telling me to post the link to the Carnival of the NBA number … wait for it … 38! Might want to grap a non-fat soy latte before you sit down with that one though.

Also, someone sent me this clip of Ronny Turiaf powdering his hands. Maybe his palms are sweating because he’s nervous that he’ll actually get into the game. I don’t know… but if you feel the urge to send me something, who am I to stop you? As you can see, even if it’s not really worth posting, I’ll do it anyway! Here’s the direct to Rachel hotline… there’s a reason it’s called HOTmail. Let’s get it crackin!

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I’m in need of a big man for a couple of my fantasy teams (I’m guessing you know what that’s like). Should I take a risk on Chris Kaman, Brad Miller, or Zydrunas Ilgauskas? Is there someone else that I should be on the lookout for?

Yeah, I’m always looking for a someone who’s large on size (you set em up, I’ll knock em down). I’d probably go with Kaman first, then Miller, and then Ilgauskas. Kaman’s got the most UPside, if you will. Miller is a good 2nd choice, since he’s got the assists to give you at center, but I don’t even know if he’s blocked a shot this year. No, I take it back, he’s blocked 1 shot. Good work, Brad.

I think Ilgauskas has not so much jumped the shark, but more like been eaten by the shark. He can still shake his groove thang every once in a while, but even with consistent minutes, he’s been the model of inconsistency. Of course, he’s the only one who’s been playing enough games to actually be able to gather that data… so maybe he’s the best choice.

No, I’m sticking with Kaman. He’s ugly, but looks don’t count when you’re sitting there refreshing your team’s stats page on Yahoo. And evidently they don’t count when you’re trying out for the Clippers “Spirit” team either.

Okay, guys (and gals), send me some more questions! If I get enough action, I’m willing to do this more than once a week. I mean, I’ll try to come up with something interesting more than once a week anyway, but it’s much easier when people are filling my box.

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Anyway, here we go!

Am I a total idiot for not getting rid of the “no spam” part of your email in my earlier letters?

I know you want me to berate you and stuff and by saying what a frickin idiot you are, but really, dude, it’s okay. Not everyone is perfect their first time. I mean look at me… this post frickin sucks.

Who is the best sports writer in basketball?

I don’t really read “sports writers” … so yeah, I like the Basketball Jones and Skeets is funny on the podcast. I like the FreeDarko guys sometimes, but they tend to be long-winded (and probably not long-anything-elsed). The SunsGossip girl is pretty awesome, but she’s more of a “sports drawer” which actually looks more like something in a bureau now that I’ve actually typed it… she’s a “sports artist” more than writer, really. Wow, that was terrible. Good thing I don’t have an editor.

When is ESPN giving GMTR a 30 minute time slot?

Probably about the time Rick Yam stops saying “this guy.”

Are you a real person or an alter-ego of nels?

Well, while I’m pretty sure that Nels edited Sven’s posts to make them more (or less) comprehensible (or funny), I can assure you that to the best of my knowledge, I and Sven and Juan do indeed exist. Juan’s so-called “spanish fly” is probably fabricated, though.

What is an acceptable % of my time to spend at GMTR when I’m at “work”?

I guess that all depends on your definition of “work.” Or else, what your job is. I mean, if you’re a hooker, then probably any time spent on GMTR is not acceptable (unless your John is into fantasy basketball, in which case you might be able to get paid to read about fantasy basketball, which would be pretty aweomse. I bet Rick Kamla would be one of those guys). But if you’re an IT Specialist like the n-dog, I’d say you could go as high as 12.5% and not even break a sweat.

How can I get “TTYL” and “TTFN” out of the lexicon?

You can’t. Give it up.

TTFN.

Rachel

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