Give Me The Rock

I’ve only been able to think in bullet-like paragraphs for the past couple weeks. My apologies in advance.

• There’s one sport that can get away with playing exactly one game in a week, and it’s not basketball. Thank God Lebron made it to the finals, otherwise the NBA might have been challenging the NHL for the worst ratings in the history of, well, I guess ever.
• Although I didn’t officially throw out a finals prediction, if I had, I probably would have went with the Spurs in four or five (in a related note, my Dad could have totally kicked your Dad’s ass back in the day). But then I read something like this from Henry Abbott, and he pretty much convinces me that the Cavs are going to win. Well played, Henry Abbott, well played.
• If I can give you once piece of advice for your fantasy draft next season, it would be to NOT DRAFT DANIEL GIBSON. In a couple months, come round 7 or 8, you’ll probably be looking for a guy you’ve heard of, someone familiar, and Gibson may pop into your head. You may think to yourself, hey, he had a great playoff run, he’s in for a breakout year! The thought will come, let it pass, draft someone else.
• I’m not hating on Gibson. He’s got a great playoff blog on NBA.com. It’s the first time I’ve seen the word “mom’s” in written form in my life, and I love how he told the story about how he got the nickname “Boobie” without actually telling us how he got the nickname.
• Here’s to Lebron making things interesting tonight.

Tonight we’ve got the start of the Finals. I’m sure you can find a preview of it somewhere… but right here I’m going to do it the way you’ve come to expect from Rachel. Yup. Cheerleader style.

I’m leaning towards the Cavs in this one based on their ability to put out 10 videos to the Spurs Silver Dancers who only have 4.

The balance of power shifts, though, when you recall that I voted Kim the number two hottest All-Star Dancer. None of the Cavs dancers (lamely called the Cavalier Girls - but wisely appealing to all the pervs out there) even made the list (the list was only 5 dancers though so really you the odds are pretty slim - kind of like most of the dancers).

The balance of power shifts back, though, because the Cavalier Girls have 26 photo galleries. Their site is also easier to find your way around. The Silver Dancers site seemed like it should have more, and while it’s a prettier site, it’s really quite shallow when it comes down to it. And the CG site made it a lot easier for me to grab photos for this post.

The photos are out of date since they don’t have the 06-07 calendar pictures online (understandably), but really, everyone knows that the best place to get cheerleader pictures is at Sports Illustrated anyway.

I know whenever my hair gets blown in my face, I’m forced to hang onto my swimsuit for dear life.

Yes, all women need somwhere to rest their hands. If you don’t have pockets to put them in, the top of your swimsuit is the next best place. Followed by the bottom of your swimsuit, but really, only hos do that.

No good caption for this one. Just wanted to show off those skyscrapers. The ones in the Cleveland skyline.

WINNER: Cavalier Girls by +4.5 (if you’re betting)

Winner of the series? Sorry, it’s going to San Antonio.

First there was this one. And the new one (well, new 3 months ago), probably has a lot of the same highlights, but it’s also got some NBA Playoffs 2006 action going on.

Ain’t nothing wrong with a little HaddaWade.

Thanks to the unapologetic Digg clone NBA Ballers for that one. Actually it’s kind of interesting, given the extreme focus on only 7 players. I suppose picking the 7 most popular players in the league is probably the easiest way to get traffic to the site. But I think you need more than about 4 members to really have a good social network. I mean, I drink Web2.0 Kool-Aid on the daily, but how many of these sites can The Internet really support?

Someone with access to a French sports footage archive and only enough money for one song on iTunes is also livng a fantasy of basketball. Would it surprise you if I mentioned that the person to whom I refer is also from Canada and posting things on YouTube? Don’t worry, I’m not talking about J.E. Skeets. Rather, I’m referring to mikamika11, who evidently thinks that the Sonics either won the championship in 96, or is under the impression that the two games the Sonics won were not gifts to them given by Michael Jordan for the sole purpose of winning the Championship at the United Center in Chicago.

Behold, the Sonics in the NBA Finals, rocking you like a hurricane:

Also behold, the updated and (in my opinion) uglier controls fresh from the YouTube graphic UI design team:

for saying pretty much everything I was going to. Now I don’t have to waste my time writing some huge diatribe.

I can just say this, and I think it summarizes about 80% of my opinion within +/- 10%:

Dwyane Wade is the only player in the Finals on either team who deserves a ring.

Even just writing that, I’m tempted to explain, but you know what? I’m not going to. I’m going to let that statement stand on it’s own. I’ve ready so many blog posts and new articles over the past 4 days that it would take me the rest of the offseason to address all the points I feel need addressing, and even then, everyone in Dallas, most people in Miami, and even the other 18 die-hard NBA fans would still disagree with something I’d said.

I still would buy the DVD set of every single game of the 2006 NBA Playoffs (if the NBA - and ABC - can make such a product a reality for a price of less than $3.95/game). And, now that those playoffs are over, there is a draft and an offseason that will be filled with fantasy-relevant news. I (and presumably PMad) will be back on topic until the end of the 2006-07 season, starting right now.*

* For me, at least; I can’t control what PMad writes.

EDIT: So, I just went through my Bloglines and felt compelled to cut down on the venom that was running through the veins of this post. It was already out there, so some people will see the original. Everyone else will just have to accept that I feel better now. Still don’t like Bill Simmons, though.

Just so I can say I live blogged at least part of every Finals game (so far).

7:21 - 10 blocks? That’s pretty ridiculous.

I might not post anything else now, and just let PMad handle it.

0:26.2 - Great. Wade pushes off and they call a foul on Dirk. I was really hoping they could win the game and not have anything for people to argue about. I got really overwhelmed by reading blog post after blog post after news story about Game 5. Let the rest of this be a clean one, please.

0:17.7 - No foul on that pass by Dampier, right? Clean steal.

I know my wife will be happy if this is over.

0:11.5 - There, they called a foul on Wade.

0:9.1 - They’re trying to give it to Dallas with the travel call.

But no! It’s over!

Miami is the 2006 NBA Champion! It may have been controversial, but I think they proved they were the better of the 2 teams. Only about 3 points better, though. But I’m sure many championships were won by 3 points. Can’t think of any off the top of my head, of course… but if it weren’t close, then it wouldn’t really be a championship.

I like how Derek Anderson is celebrating like he did something. At least GP hit some key shots, and Mourning got some key blocks, and Antoine didn’t totally screw everything up. DA played for like 6 seconds in the last quarter of the last game.

Congrats Miami. Helluva playoffs for all 16 teams involved.

And we’re here for game six, where Miami has the chance to put away the series. For everyone’s sake, I hope this game turns out to be more interesting than my previous two live bog experiencies; game 2 and game 4, which were both blowouts.

I’m having some hella thunderstorms around my house (or as they’re sometimes referred to in my area, thunderboomers). Hopefully, I don’t lose power anytime soon. If I don’t show up, it’s cause I’m in the dark.

So far so good. The thunderboomers are gone. I gots me power. Let’s get it on!

And the super middle-aged white-attack does a super whitey job with the national anthem.

Riley looks so evil, the way he holds his head up high like that. The closest comparison I have is a snake. He’s just very lizardly.

JET Terry! I’m officially excited!

I love the way the announcer says about Dirk… “from GGGGGeeeeeermany”. It’s exactly how I would expect a guy from Germany to be announced. Dirk could absolutely be a villain in Rocky 6.

If you didn’t see my prediction for the game, you can always check out this. Ignore the math if you want.

11:45 – Dirk hits his first shot. A good sign for the Mavs after his last few games.

9:19 – Goaltending by O’Neal. But that was after a miss by Diop. The Mavs need to hit those.

8:59 – Walker misses the shot. Miami can’t let him take those or they’ll be in for a long night.

8:43 – The Mavs are just abusing the Heat on offense right now.

8:16 – But Dirk misses the 3.

7:08 – Haslem hits the shot. Maybe his EFF for this game will be over his season average tonight!

6:26 – Back to back threes for the Mavs! I can’t keep up with this pace – thank god for a commercial. Dirk hits one last time down the court and now Terry hits one of his own. The Mavs are now 8 for 12.

Hey – does anyone have the ESPN mobile phone or the Vcast with sports highlights? If so, how do you like it?

Mark Cuban has been FINED 1.5 million during his tenure as the Mavs owner. Just another reason to hate him even more than I already do.

6:10 – Shaq – 1 for 2 on those free throws, but the Heat get the offensive rebound.

5:22 – An offensive foul on Dallas. Man, that was a weak ass call. I hate shit like that.

4:43 – Stackhouse for 2! The Stack is back! Me and you Stack, we’re going all the way next year in my fantasy league!

4:24 – And Walker misses again. He can be a positive in a supporting role (which he has been most of this series), but he definitely cannot lead an offense.

2:55 – What a strange play. Stack gets to the ball off a deflection, but misses the dunk. Harris grabs the rebound, gets it to Dirk for the dunk. Miami needs to wake up here or we’re in for another blowout.

Man, I never get tired of that Superman preview, even if it has to have Shaq in it.

1:19 – Mourning with the block, offensive rebound on the other end, and then with the finish. And the foul when he gets back on defense. He’s looking to get an entire game in in about 5 minutes.

.28 – Terry hits the nice floater against the zone. Terry’s good play so far is a very good sign for the Mavs chances.

.13 – Wade draws another foul. Fairly or unfairly?

.03 – And Harris can’t hit the runner. But Dirk has 11 so far.

END 1ST QUARTER: Dallas 30, Miami 23.

11:06 – Wade hits the jumper (Hubie says he has 9 of the Heat’s last 11 points). It did look pretty sweet.

10:32 – Dirk with the complete hack on Mourning. Just a chop and a half.

10:19 – Halsem takes the charge. I didn’t believe that he got his feet in position while watching it live, but on the replay it looked like a good call.

9:50 – Harris just sneaks in and grabs a rebound from Shaq. A very nice and sneaky play. I’m impressed.

9:05 – Wade his another jumper as the Mavs are starting to rush and miss their shots. Are the Mavs ever comfortable in a normal halfcourt offense?

8:25 – Harris – what was that move? Just a horrible turnover.

7:44 – Howard gets the steal and then airballs the three on the other end. I am quite familiar myself with the good old airball.

6:53 – Terry with a steal and 13 points. The JET is definitely in the building to play tonight. I’m glad someone on the Mavs cares about this game.

6:23 – Terry with the beautiful give and go to Dirk. What a pretty play by Dallas.

5:08 – Shaq just blocked by Howard with authority. Old Shaq (and by that I mean young Shaq) would have never let that happen.

4:18 – Wade is the ultimate run stopper. While the Heat didn’t score when Wade was on the bench – he hits a shot to stop a 10-0 Mavs run.

3:26 – A crazy fast paced game so far. Stackhouse with the steal and another Mavs fast break. I can’t keep with this action.

At halftime, stay tuned, for a story on Pat Riley’s motivational skills! I bet it has something to do with him being the son of Satan. It’s easy to motivate when you can send people to burn in hell for eternity. Fear the Riley.

2:12 – No foul on Wade there. Just a horrible call. On the replay you could see that Harris actually went out of his way not to touch Wade on that shot.

.24 – Great steal by Posey there – a nice read on the pass. He just couldn’t quite finish it.

.01 – Dirk with the nice finger roll right before the half. But, the Heat have come back in the last part of this quarter and now lead this game.

.00 – The Dallas crowd boos the officials as they leave the court. All class baby.

HALFTIME: Dallas 48, Miami 49

Good point by Marc Jackson – the Mavs were cruising right along with Dirk leading the way and all of a sudden, they decided to go away from Dirk by recklessly doing their own thing and pushing the fast break at all costs. Not a smart thing to do. They should have slowed down the game a little more when they were up by 13.

And he just said Wade should get two rings if Miami wins. Ouch, that was my easy joke.

10:51 – Dallas with 3 free throw attempts so far in this game…

9:54 – Wade gets the pass, hesitates for a moment (when he could have taken the short jumper) and misses the layup when he drives to the hoop. We haven’t seen that kind of hestiation from him in this series.

9:40 – But Wade recovers and makes the block on the other end.

9:26 - O’Neal has taken to a little trickery (with the hesitation right before he shoots) on the free-throw shot. It must be his way to compensate for his horrendous free-throw percentage.

8:45 – 6 fouls and you’re out in the NBA? Really? Thanks guys.

I lost my internet connection for a few minutes there. Sorry for the delay with the posting and the weak updates so far this quarter.

With my delay, let’s recap. Miami 59, Dallas 53.

Clerks 2. I love Kevin Smith’s work, but really don’t see how it can work. It’s not 1994 anymore.

7:59 – Beautiful backdoor rejection by Wade. I love when people come off their guy to play some unexpected D on someone else.

7:19 – Let’s see how many Mavs foul out in game 6.

6:03 – Walker misses the three but gets the rebound. At least he made up for that horrible line-drive shot.

4:50 – “Walker continues to throw them up and continues to miss”

4:23 – I’ve come to the conclusion that whenever Wade has the ball, I must stop typing and watch the screen because something special is about to happen. He didn’t disappoint this last time down the floor.

2:39 – Zo with the huge block leads to Walker hitting the layup on the other end. The Mavs need to start making some passes and playing defense.

1:45 – Well, Terry certainly made a pass there. And the Mavs are keep the fast break offense going.

.29 – Posey can’t quite draw the charge from Daniels on that drive. And Daniels hits 1 of 2.

.07 – Wade draws another foul on the rebound attempt (surprise!). Wade 11 free throw attempts, Dallas 12.

.06 – Ok, loose ball foul called on Miami. So, they aren’t getting ALL the calls.

.00 – Walker misses at the buzzer. In all truthfulness, I though it was going in when it left his hands. It actually looked better than most his shots. It actually had some arc on it.

END 3rd QUARTER: Dallas 68, Miami, 71

11:06 – Lisa Salters with some hard hitting information about the conversation going on during the break on the Heat bench. Did you know that their goal was to win a championship?

10:46 – Shaq hits the shot with help from a great pass from Wade in traffic.

9:54 – Diop hits the shot and draws the foul. Diop hits A SHOT! Did his family get a picture?

9:00 – Payton makes the pass, immediate begins speaking with the ref, and takes a pass off the back as he continues talking with the ref. Save it for the timeouts Payton.

8:55 – Mourning with his fourth rejection of the game. And his kidneys immediately explodes right on the court! Just kidding of course – he does look a little winded, just like me.

8:39 – Stackhouse hits the 3. Just like in fantasy basketball, just when you count him out, he comes roaring back.

7:50 – But then Stack misses his next three. Just like in fantasy basketball, don’t count on him too much.

7:21 – Mourning kills Howard on the block.

7:06 – Howard draws the loose ball foul from Walker. And ties the game with his free-throws! Still, his foul looked like a flop to me.

6:35 – Walker and Terry trade horrible looking airball threes. Get the ball to Dirk you idiots!

4:26 – Wade came out nowhere to grab a rebound, and while he missed the putback, he grabbed his own rebound over Dirk! Wade can sure get air fast.

3:41 – Timeout Dallas after Posey hits the three. Its Dirk’s game now. If he wants to be the uber-star everyone says he is, then he’s got to put the Mavs on his back to win this game. There’s no other way for Dallas to do it now.

3:41 – Survivor playing over the PA. “It’s the Eye of the Tiger…”

3:20 – Dirk does not have any points in the fourth. That cannot happen.

3:07 – Stack with the block! That was HUGE! Keeps the Mavs within 4.

2:35 – Posey hits a nice runner after driving to the middle of the lane. Dallas was allowing a little too much penetration there. You got to try to try to keep Posey more than 5 feet from the basket.

1:54 – Bad shot there by Wade. Chucked it right over his shoulder.

1:40 – So, I criticize Haslem in an article today and he goes out tonight and plays a great game. It’s pretty much the story of all my finals predictions.

.45 – And Howard makes it a 1 point game. Nice pass from Dirk there, although I wish he would shoot it.

.26 – Dirk picks up foul number 5 and sends Wade to the line. Wade makes the first. And the second! Heat by 3.

.20 – Dirk gets the inbound and makes a decent pass to Dampier who lets the pass go right threw his hands and turns it over. Dirk, TAKE THE SHOT!

.17 – Wade gets the turnover and is fouled. He makes his 2 free throws. The Heat are now up by 5 and things are not looking good for the Mavs.

.11 – Terry takes the longest 2-pointer possible… and misses, but Miami commits a loose ball foul.

.10 – Heat by 3, and Wade is fouled on the inbounds pass. Can he hit another big set of free-throws? Nope. He misses them both.

.00 – Terry misses the 3, Wade with the rebound and the Heat win the 2006 NBA Championship!

Give Wade his two championship rings!

I’ll give it up to the Heat this game. They definitely weren’t afraid of being aggressive and Wade was more than happy to take the big shots when it mattered. That’s certainly more than can be said of Dirk “2 points in the 4th” Nowitzki.

The American Airlines Center certainly cleared out fast. Davis Stern has a big smile on his face, probably because he doesn’t have to hand over the trophy to Mark Cuban.

Wade wins the Finals MVP. I was really pulling for ‘Toine.

And, thank god, were done. See you next year folks. Peace.