Give Me The Rock

Line of the Night: Only 3 games yesterday, but one of them was the epic showdown between the Nuggets and the Warriors for the 8th playoff spot in the West (using the current exchange rate, that roughly translates into the 3rd seed in the East). So, it’s only fitting that Carmelo Anthony (6.0) wins the LotN. I watched most of the game and it was pretty apparent that, when he wanted to, Melo could get to the hoop and score with little trouble. He finished with 25 points off 12-20 shooting and 9 boards. And his score was certainly boosted by the 5 steals and 2 blocks he racked up.

Honorable Mentions: Dirk Nowitzki’s (5.6) Mavs beat the Jazz 97-94, helped by Dirk’s team-high 32 points. He was 4-5 from three, and yet he only had 2 boards and 1 assist. Strange. He must have been helped by that steal and 2 blocks (after a quick check of the various components in the rater… yep. Also the shooting percentages and the threes gave him a big boost. It wasn’t a good night for the three). Allen Iverson (5.1) only had 1 three, but he did score 33 adding 9 assists and 3 steals; and a triple double for the bearded one, Baron Davis (4.6), who finished with 20/10/11. His shooting (9 for 25 overall and 1 of 9 from three) was what did him in.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Luke Walton (5.0) is back after missing 2 games with a hamstring injury. And in 24 minutes, he managed to score 18 points (going 4-5 from three) with 5 boards and 4 assists. With the Lakers fighting for first in the West, I wouldn’t expect to see much more than 24-25 minutes for Walton going forward.

After that? Ah, Brandon Bass (3.8) had 14 points in 16 minutes. That’s pretty cool.

The Biggest Loser: Josh Howard (2.2) left in the third quarter of yesterday’s game with a bruised right knee. But what he had done up to that point was go 1-8 from the floor, scoring 3 points with 4 rebounds and 1 assist in 20 minutes. That was bad enough for me not to give him the pass because of injury.

Dishonorable Mentions: Going into the championship week, you may have picked up Mickael Pietrus (1.6) or Josh Powell (2.1) because of their strong play in the previous week. Unfortunately, that would have been a huge mistake. Pietrus saw 10 minutes in yesterday’s showdown vs. the Nuggets (scoring 0 points), while Powell saw 19 for the Clips, going 0-3 from the field, scoring 2 points with 0 assists. But hey, he did have 6 rebounds.

Friday’s Tiny Dancer

The very sexy Chad, who you may remember from the Nuggets Cheer Team.

No, I wouldn’t do that to you guys. Nels would forever remove me from the Friday shift. Instead, I’ve been trying to figure out which Nuggets dancer has the better name. First up, Caty Sue Green:

Also in the running is Linda Koucky (I’m not sure how you pronounce it, but every way is funny):

Quote of the Day: “A lot of people are going to think it’s a misprint, a lot of people will think there’s no way they scored that many points. It’s unbelievable. There are no words for it.”

- Kenyon Martin, on the final score of the Nuggets game (Denver 168, Seattle 116)

Line of the Night: 168 points for the Nuggets. 84 points in the first half. A 52 point win. It’s no surprise then that a Denver player wins the LotN. What is the surprise is that Nugget is Marcus Camby (6.0) and he finished with only 15 points off 4-6 shooting in the game. But unlike the Sonics, he played some defense and had 15 rebounds, 10 assists and 4 blocks in only 27 minutes of play. It’s a nice little triple-double for Camby.

Honorable Mentions: Rafer Alston (5.4) is a big reason why the Rockets have won 22-straight and why I have won a bet against NBA Roto (nice). Yesterday, he was 8-11 from three and scored 31 points; Joe Johnson (5.1) had 28 with 11 assists and 5 threes; this is like the third straight game that Ron Artest (5.0) has found himself in the honorable mentions, this time by going for 19/10/5 with 4 steals; and Jason Richardson (5.0) had 33 points and 6 threes.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Jarvis Hayes (5.0), remember when you use to be good? And by good, I mean not that good but people would still own you in leagues? I just looked at your career stats and I hadn’t realized how long ago that was. Wow, time flies. Anyway, congrats on the 25 minutes yesterday. It sure looks like you were hot. I mean, 7-8 for three and 10-13 overall? I can see why they didn’t want to take you out of the game. A shooting night like that happens, what, maybe once a year?

And Rasho Nesterovic (4.4) conveniently waited until the game before Chris Bosh is scheduled to return to go off, as he went for 20 and 8 with a couple steals and a couple blocks. At least with Bosh coming back, we won’t be fooled into picking Rasho up only to see him go for 8 and 2 in the Raptors next game.

Biggest Loser: It would be easy to give this one to the entire Seattle SuperSonics team for allowing 168 points. But when you think about it, they actually did a service to fantasy owners everywhere who own Camby, Iverson, Carmelo, and Kenyon Martin. So, we’ll let them slide.

I’d rather point out two stars who were less than super yesterday. First, the Rockets may have won, but it was in spite of Tracy McGrady’s (1.9) performance. McGrady was 4-16 from the floor and 3-6 from the line to finish with 11 points. And Kobe (2.3) wasn’t much better. He scored 24, but it took him 33 shots to get there (11-33). I’m no genius, but I think it’s bad to have more shots taken than actual points.

While the Line of the Night should probably go to LeBron James (2.95) for leading his team to a win against the Defending National Champion San Antonio Spurs, his 9-24 shooting actually put him below teammate Anderson Varejao (3.16) on the fantasy basketball rater.

Line of the Night: The REAL Line of the Night goes to Linas Kleiza (5.73) for his 41 point, 9 rebound performance against the Jazz of Utah.

Honorable Mentions: Manu Ginobli (5.70) was ever so close to having the LotN, but he didn’t take/make quite as many free throws as Kleiza, and only had 4 rebounds to go with his 4 assists and 2 steals. Also, 31 points is not 41 points; Leandro Barbosa (4.83) was tied for 3rd on the night with Kobe Bryant, but I’d rather have Kobe’s game than Barbosa’s. You could say that pretty much any night, right? Marcus Camby (4.43) went a little bit nutzo last night, blocking 11 shots and grabbing 24 rebounds. Why didn’t he get LotN, you ask? Well, he only shot 4-13 for 8 points. That’s not going to get it done ever. Camby’s offensive foil (if you will) Allen Iverson (4.44) had a decent game with 28 points, 9 assists, and 3 steals.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: If you need a little PG help, check if Jordan Farmar (4.38) is available. He was #8 on the rater last night, and over the past month has been making 1.6 threes, with 1.1 steals. Only 2.5 assists/game, though, so make sure you’ve got help there. In the last week (since Bynum went down) he’s been up to 2.5 threes a game, and his points are up +2 a game. He’s at 135 on the Yahoo rankings and 121 on the GMTR Player Rater.

The Biggest Loser: When there’s so few games (3) played, it always makes it hard to find a Biggest Loser. I mean, even Carlos Boozer (2.07) who’s down at #35 of 59 had 18 points and 11 rebounds. It’s hard to fault someone for a double-double. But if we look a little closer, we see that Larry Hughes (2.33), while rated higher than Boozer, put up only 4 points on 2-7 shooting. He did have 3 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, and a block, but all that came in 30 minutes of playing time. Usually 30 minutes is the magic number for fantasy playing time, but Hughes is averaging 28 minutes this season, and is still available in the GMTR Readers’ league.

Line of the Night: Iverson’s (5.08) half of the abbreviated year of Independence was not enough to top C-But’s (aka Caron Butler) line last night (5.40). Butler’s 57% on less attempts put him just below Iverson’s 56% (more attempts), but Caroming Caron’s 4 steals was where he made up ground like Obama in Iowa. Both had 3 three pointers. LeBron’s 39 points (4.76) came on 48% (yet more attempts), and he gathered 11 rebounds while equaling AI in assists at 8. No Steals and No Blocks hurt Bron Bron’s attempt-at-a-triple-double fantasy score, dropping him to 3rd in the polls.

Honorable Mentions: Mike Miller came through in 4th place (4.68) mostly due to his 12-13 from the line. Since Marcus Camby was 6th on the night (7 blocks), let’s celebrate two Nuggets in the top 10 with the startling and profound realization that Denver has not only a Dance Team, but a Cheer Team.

I expect Dance Teamer Nicole Hurdle to make a strong run for All-Star Dance Team member. Observe.

I think that every team should get a Cheer Team in addition to the Dance Team. This makes it easier on the dancers since they can focus on their core competency, and it also means that instead of those random people shooting t-shirts out of cannons and slingshots, there will be friendly faces providing an alternative brand of energy for NBA fans. Friendly faces like those of Sarah and Chris. Observe.

He’s kind of an old skool Troy Murphy, no? Before Muph decided to cultivate a Jim Halpert look.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Speaking of Nuggets, Anthony Carter (4.02) has started running the show pretty effectively for the Nugs, dropping 15 dimes last night. His shooting was fairly off-ful, but he did have 2 steals and 3 blocks. Not bad for a plug-n-play PG.

Rise With Us: Chris Quinn made 5 more three pointers. Mike Conley played 35 minutes again and had 11 points, 7 assists and 5 rebounds.

Goat of the Night: It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Antoine Walker. The TWolves have pretty much made headlines only when it concerned Marko Jaric’s Significant Other. But since Walker played 20 minutes and came up with only 2 rebounds and a three pointer, I thought I’d throw him out there. That, and there really wasn’t anyone else outside of the top 100 yesterday that shouldn’t have been there. Two rebounds, 20 minutes. Where’s that put him on Hollingere’s Rebound Rate thing?

Line of the Night: AI (6.01) wanted it on Day 37 with his 51 points, but with only 3 games yesterday, he was able to pull out Day 38’s LotN with only 35. Yeah, the 6 steals probably helped some. I think anytime a player gets 6 steals they have a pretty good shot at Line of the Night. Add in the 12 assists and 11/13 for free throw shooting, and it’s surprising that he didn’t get it by more (0.66).

Honorable Mentions: Dirk (5.35) made ALL of his free throws, and had 12 rebounds. But it’s hard to get your Fantasy Rating up with rebounds when you’re playing against Marcus Camby (14 last night). And Dirk didn’t have any steals.

And speaking of those valuable defensive stats, Josh Smith (5.32) had 7 more blocks last night, giving him a billion on the season already. He also had 2 steals, and shot really well.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Marko Jaric (4.79) returned miraculously quickly from his foot injury to put up 18 points, 8 rebounds, and 9 assists. He was (keyword is “was”) available in the GMTR Readers League just now. I’m hoping he’ll be a good replacement for Kirk Hinrich, who’s down there with Nate Robinson on the Yahoo Rankings.

Someone told Jaric he’d better get back to work

Rise With Us: James Jones, Corey Brewer, and Daequan Cook all checked in ahead of Joe Johnson last night. Cook was the least impressive, but I’d definitely consider picking up Brewer at this point.

Goat of the Night: It’s quite an honor to be the Goat of the Night when there’s only 3 games played. You can’t really pick on someone like Juwan Howard, who put up 0s across the board, because he only played 4 minutes. In this situation, the honor is dubiously bestowed upon Carmelo Anthony, who had 23 points, but took 30 shots and made only 9. He also shot 9 free throws, making only 5 of them. The 6 rebounds and 3 assists aren’t terrible, but the 30% from the field on 30 shots is going to kill some people this week.

Line of the Night: Normally this would go to LeBron James (6.08), but he only had 4 rebounds and shot 11/25, and really, how many times is Anthony Carter (4.76) going to get the line of the night? Well, if he keeps up the 5 steals a game thing, probably a lot more than anyone would think. Add that to the 6 assists, and 8 rebounds, with 7/12 shooting and you’ve got a good contribution.

Honorable mentions: LeBron was 1.32 points ahead of Carter, who was second overall last night. Jamaal Tinsley (4.61) had 11 assists and 8 rebounds. Ricky Davis continued to turn them out with 3 threes, 6 rebounds and 7 assists.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: That distinction probably goes to Anthony Carter as well. But other guys to look at: The Other Shawne Williams (3.62) and Earl Watson (3.58).

Goat of the Night: Kirk Hinrich (1.33) got in foul trouble early last night, which seems to have been happening a lot this season. Scott Skiles never leaves him in, and frankly, I would start leaving him in and just letting him continue to play until he fouls out. He never seems to get his rhythm back after sitting early, so it seems to be a strategy that isn’t working.

For most fans, the NBA experience consists of watching games on TV and in person, with the occasional special event or autograph signing thrown in. But this guide will help you maximize your enjoyment of the NBA. To use this guide, simply locate your skill or skills and then do what’s listed there. It’s really that simple.

IF YOU ENJOY WRITING FAN MAIL:
Email your favorite Dallas Maverick player.

IF YOU ENJOY WRITING FAN MAIL AND STALKING:
Write to your favorite Nuggets Dancer, c/o Pepsi Center, 1000 Chopper Circle, Denver, CO 80204

IF YOU LIKE JUMPING OFF TRAMPOLINES
Join the Detroit Pistons’ Flight Crew.

IF YOU’RE A CANADIAN STREET BALLER
Play in NBA 3ON3 (sponsored by the Raptors)

IF YOUR CHILD IS A FATTY AND SHAQ IS NOT AVAILABLE
Sign-up for Get Fit with the Golden State Warriors.

IF YOU CAN GOLF:
Play with Tyrus Thomas.

IF YOU CAN’T GOLF:
Play softball with Tracy McGrady.

IF YOU CAN SING:
Audition to sing the national anthem at a Cavaliers game.

IF YOU’RE BETWEEN THE AGE 7 AND 16 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $100.
Go to a summer camp hosted by Sean May, Dell Curry, Brevin Knight, or the Carroll Brothers.

IF YOU’RE BETWEEN THE AGE 7 AND 16 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $250.
Go to the Sonics Basketball Summer Camp.

IF YOU’RE OVER THE AGE OF 35 AND HAVE ACCESS TO $17,500.
Go to the Michael Jordan Flight School.

IF YOU’RE A PUPPETEER, VENTRILOQUIST, OR HAVE ANOTHER SKILL THAT PEOPLE PRETEND TO FIND ENTERTAINING:
Become an in-game entertainer for the Hawks or Bobcats.

IF YOU OWN A CAMCORDER AND ENJOY WATCHING THE CLIPPERS:
Make a fan video.

IF YOU OWN A CAMERA, A COPY OF PHOTOSHOP, AND A GRILL OR OTHER HIBACHI-LIKE DEVICE
Enter the “Are you Hibachi enough?” contest.

IF YOU’RE AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE WITH DANCE SKILLS
Audition to become an NBA dancer, preferably for the Lakers, Mavs, Heat, Spurs, or Rockets

IF YOU’RE AN UNATTRACTIVE FEMALE WITH DANCE SKILLS
Get a lesson from the Knicks Dance Team.

IF YOU’RE A FORMER CHEERLEADER OR GYMNAST AND ARE ATTRACTIVE (FEMALE) OR ENJOY TOUCHING WOMEN IN INAPPROPRIATE PLACES WITHOUT THE THREAT OF GOING TO JAIL (MALE):
Try out for the Detroit Work Force or Utah Jazz Stunt Team.

IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE EVALUATING PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYERS
Become the Director of Player Personnel for the Houston Rockets.

IF YOU HAVE BALL HANDLING SKILLS AND COURT VISION:
Try out for the Celtics. (Credit to Basketbawful)