Give Me The Rock

Okay, so the headline is kind of misleading since Brandon Roy was actually 30th out of 39 players last night. But watching his last-less-than-a-second shot crystallized the difference between fantasy and reality. There is a game we play, and it’s not always the game they play. But this blog is about the game WE play, so let’s get back to it.

Line of the Night: In the loss, Tracy McGrady (0.90) had 28/6/8 on a very good (for him) 47% of 23 shots, adding 2 steals and a block. That’s some vintage first/second round T-Mac right there.

Honorable Mentions: He’s not Mr. Double-Double yet, but I picked him up a few days ago in the GMTR Readers League: Travis Outlaw (0.83) had 14/13/1 with 2 threes, a steal, and 2 blocks.

Hedo Turkoglu (0.79) had 20/8/3 with 2 threes, 2 steals, and a block. LaMarcus Aldridge (0.64) could have been a Bull, but instead we have Mr. Consistency and a white guy who is, I guess, still on the roster. Meanwhile, Aldridge had 25/9/2 with 3 blocks while making 63% of 19 shots.

Jameer Nelson (0.60) had 16/4/9 with a three and 2 steals on 50% from the floor.
Rashard Lewis (0.46) had 20/8/4 with 3 threes and a steal, but only shot 35% from the field and 60% from the line.
Finally, Samuel Dalembert (0.42) had 10/14/1 with 2 blocks and shot 62.5%.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Clearly if Travis Outlaw is available, he’s the go to guy for last night. He only shot 41.7%, but the good thing is that means he qualifies under Patrick’s Less Than 70% rule.

I’m going to end it there because really, the other guys who might be available only made the list because there were only two games last night.

The Biggest Loser: Stephon Marbury, who is evidently contemplating a training stint with Lincoln High School in New York. Ouch. Nothing like getting kicked out of the NBA to help coach your high school basketball team.

Really, though… my man crush Elton Brand (-0.38) went 3/8 last night for 6 points. He did have 12 rebounds, but he missed both free throw opportunities, and didn’t get a steal or block a shot. Not gonna cut it for a first round pick.

All Eyez On Me: This is the inaugural edition of AEOM. I just made it up yesterday, but Patrick agreed it was a cool idea, so here goes. Basically, I was feeling like there’s so many ways to watch basketball these days and so many games available on a typical night (even if you don’t have cable, like me), you may want (or not, in which case, you can skip down to the next section) some advice on which will be the most interesting games from a Fantasy Perspective. If this ends up being more trouble than it’s worth, we reserve the right to discontinue it at any time. That said, there’s a lot of games on tonight…

New York @ Washington: I think most people are still trying to figure out which Knicks are going to be the fantasy stars, so anytime there’s a Knicks game, it’s probably worth watching.

Minnesota @ Sacramento: The Return of Brad Miller. What’s going to happen to everyone’s favorite early pickups Spencer Hawes and Jason Thompson?

Detroit @ New Jersey: AI.

Dallas @ Denver: Chauncey.

Friday’s Tiny Dancer: I watched parts of the ORL/PHI game last night on TNT’s OverTime streaming thing (there was a link from Yahoo’s NBA page - don’t ask me how to get there if you’re actually looking for it), and if you like being at the game more than watching a broadcast, this might be for you. There’s no commercials so instead they show the arena during the breaks. And by arena, I mean you get to see the dance teams in action. Last night, Philly was in Orlando (I should have stayed up for the other game, but since it was in Portland, that wasn’t going to happen). In honor of the Magic win and me watching the game in their arena…

Rachael:

And a bonus, Brittany:

While he didn’t have the Line of the Night, the oft-maligned (by us) Eddy Curry came up with 29 points on 11-14 shooting (and 7-10 from the line) to help the oft-maligned (by everyone) Knicks beat the (effed in the head) Bulls. Curry had a career high (I’m guessing) 8 rebounds and 4 blocks. It’s probably not too much to expect another good game from him next month.

Line of the Night: Dwigt Howard (5.56) got some help from Rashard Lewis, and only missed 3 shots (FGs and FTs!) but when Keith Bogans only hits one three, and Hedo Turkoglu goes 5-14, it’s always going to be tough times for the Magic. I’m sure Dwigt would give up every LotN and Honorable mention for a win. Fantasy owners are certainly happy with 29 and 15, though.

Honorable Mentions: Yao Ming (4.96); Jason Kidd’s 3rd straight triple-double got him 4.69.

Waiver Wire Line of the Night: Derek Fisher (4.96) made 5 threes, and only missed 1 shot. You don’t have to do much else to be the WWLotN. I just picked him on Dec. 30th, so he might still be available in some leauges. He has been stepping up his game recently, and I’d give him a Buy rating at this point.

Rise With Us: Samuel Dalembert, Mo Williams, Luther Head, Darko Milicic, Andrew Bogut, Rashad McCants, Joe Smith

Goat of the Night: I’ll give it to Antonio Daniels even though he’s injured… or perhaps because of it. He missed 7 games, then came back and played well for 3 games before putting up 2 points, 2 assists, and 2 turnovers in 22 minutes last night.

Dishonorable mentions: Andres Nocioni was 3-14; while you should probably know who Louis Williams is by now, he went 5-16 last night with not much else going on; I hope no one is still depending on him, but Jermaine O’Neal went 4-10 with 4 rebounds.

* Yes, I spelled it wrong on purpose. It’s an office joke. Not my office, though. You figure it out.

In trying to crank out the Team Previews and actually get them finished, I let Rachel take one off my hands. I’m sure no one will notice.

–

Addition by subtraction and then addition. That’s what the Magic did. They let Darko and Grant Hill go and landed Rashard Lewis. The Magic Dancers are hoping for the same kind of equation as they lost a few promising young ladies, brought back a bunch of middle of the road girls, and fleshed out the roster with what we in the business would call “upside potential.”

(Also, this blog should totally have been called Upside Potential)

Anywho, to check out a semi-retrospective of last year’s dance squad, check out Black and Blue Magic’s August Archive. You have to get about half way down and there’s a dancer tournament. It acutally starts in July, so you can go back there if you want to see more.

As for a semi-retrospective of the Magic fantasy team… check this:

Last Season’s Ratings (without TOs, with TOs):
14, 9 - Rashard Lewis
50, 98 - Dwight Howard
105, 114 - Hedo Turkoglu
113, 151 - Jameer Nelson
186, 207 - Trevor Ariza
239, 237 - Tony Battie
230, 238 - Keyon Dooling
289, 251 - J.J. Redick
255, 272 - Carlos Arroyo
292, 276 - Keith Bogans
308, 279 - Adonal Foyle
394, 383 - Pat Garrity
434, 393 - James Augustine
NR, NR - Marcin Gortat
NR, NR - Mikolan Rakovic

I put in the ratings with and without turnovers because in this case, it seems to demonstrate a pretty profound problem (hooray for consonance). If you’re drafting Dwight Howard, you know he’s going to hurt your FT% (8.1 attempts per game at 59%). But it might also help (or hurt) to note how much he’s going to kill your Turnovers, if that’s a category in your league (3.9 turnovers per game). The turnovers, though, should go down this season, because that generally happens as players get more experience and learn how to take care of the ball better.

Magic Starting Lineup:
PG: Jameer Nelson
SG: Trevor Ariza
SF: Rashard Lewis
PF: Hedo Turkoglu
C: Dwight Howard

With Ariza coming in at 186/207, there’s not a lot beyond the starting lineup that you’ll want to take in your draft. The Magic’s rookies, um, I’ve never heard of them. I’m pretty sure that any rookies who will be worth having on your team, I would have heard of them. Trust me. I don’t just follow the cheerleaders.

At least the Magic didn’t go after this guy:

So here’s where you should draft these guys:
Dwight Howard - 2nd round
Rashard Lewis - 2nd round
Jameer Nelson - late 7th/early 8th round
Trevor Ariza - last round if there’s more than 12 rounds
Hedo Turkoglu - last round if there’s more than 12 rounds

And here’s some gratuitous cheerleader pics:

–

Okay… so I’ve been waiting a while to bust out this kind of joke. Thank You Isaiah did it first with the Luolcats, and I think it’s pretty much the greatest thing ever. If you don’t get the reference, please click here. I would like to thank Rachel for giving me the opportunity to finally make use of the Lolcat Generator. I knew it had to be good for more than just cats.

If you’ve read this far, you may have noticed that I didn’t make LOL versions of the first two pictures that Rachel had in her gratuitous section. I leave that as a challenge to the reader. The first one should be pretty easy, but I couldn’t come up with anything short enough to fit on the picture. And yeah, I know the rock in mai boot one isn’t that funny. You want your money back or something?

The NBA’s weekend of debauchery began today. Las Vegas seems primed to put it’s firmest… errr finest on display this weekend. The entire weekend seems to be a referendum on the ability for Las Vegas to host a pro-sports franchise. Anyone else find this amusing? How many citizens/potential fans of a Las Vegas professional franchise do you expect to be at this game? Also, how does the NBA determine that the weekend is a success and thus bestow the city with the ever sought after title of ‘NBA Ready City’ aka the on par with Charlotte and Memphis award. Is this determined by the amount of concession sales? How about whether or not seemingly asexual former deputy commissioner Russ Granik gets laid? Do you need Eddie Griffin to avoid getting arrested for driving into a parked car while watching porn on his dashboard and playing man defense? Or do you want Eddie Griffin to do that to prove your city can handle the day to day mistrials of NBA players without a problem?

Getting this guy laid. The final frontier.

So many questions! But there are a few solid answers…

First: You Are Watching the Dunk Contest

Dwight Howard can sign the top of the backboard in a single leap. The Orlando Sentinel reported late last year that…

There is a spot on the very top of a backboard at the RDV Sportplex — almost 3 feet above the rim — where Dwight Howard signed his autograph during a single jump. Although the penmanship is shaky, the feat speaks volumes.

The Sentinel clearly needs to retake Sensationalized Journalism 101 again. They write a perfectly good article about Dwight Howard’s rebounding potential and skill, yet they use the above excerpt as the one line intro. If this story got to US Weekly, which I have a weekly battle with while using the restroom, the cover would be “CAN HE DO IT WHILE DUNKING?” Ladies and Gentlemen we can only pray that Dwight Howard attempts to go Terrell Owens on the backboard while dunking.

We actually have to hope that Howard tries to autograph the backboard, because the NBA outrageously shot down his request to have the rim raised to 12 feet. Marc Stein reports through some Orlando sources that…

Orlando sources report that Howard has been practicing a couple wicked maneuvers that might inject this dying competition with the ingenuity/originality it desperately needs. One is a 360 throwdown with the rim hiked to 12 feet, two feet higher than regulation. The other sets the rim at 11 1/2 feet and has Howard purportedly going between his legs with the ball in mid-air before flushing.

As a huge fan of the NBA, I am forced to openly ask… Why can’t I watch this? Would doing this sully the integrity of the fallen from grace dunk contest? David Stern, incase you did not notice, you are hosting a footrace between a 67 year old ref and a beastly overweight Sir Charles. It will be part of the festivities, yet you refuse to raise the rim for some dunks that would make the human highlight reel cringe? Additionally, Stein claims that Nate Robinson also asked the league to raise the rim! If the shortest guy in the competition, who is giving up a foot and 2 inches to Howard, asks you to raise the rim… YOU RAISE THE DAMN RIM!

This year raising the bar 11 inches and jumping Isaiah Rider?

Isaiah Rider’s body of work.

If you have three minutes to waste watch this highlight video of the whole contest, then read my comments.

-Robert Pack was in this contest. First, those old Nuggets kits were so ugly vomit would not of shown on them. But second, Robert Pack almost invalidates everything he touches. In his 13 NBA seasons he made the playoffs four times. Once on the Blazers team that lost to the Bulls in 92, he played 53 total playoff minutes. This video was from the 8 - 1 Nuggets upset of 1994 and Pack’s jersey does not lie. He was on that team and exited in the second round of the playoffs. His other two performances saw quick exits. Hardly a treatise of NBA play.

- To further invalidate Robert Pack, second dunker James Robinson made the playoffs five times. Who the hell is James Robinson?

- So we realize quickly that the only people that can dunk are Isaiah Rider, Antonio Davis… did I just say that? and Shawn Kemp. Kemp lost to Rider in the finals after it was discovered that his dunk impregnated two women.

- How lame was Allan Houston’s off the head dunk… he caught it on the ground.

- The best moment of the video is at the 2 minute mark when Barkley reacts to Rider’s dunk.

So, like me you feel cheated because you won’t witness Howard going 360 tomahawk on a 12 foot rim? Well it does not stop there. On top of the rim raising fiasco, Howard’s assist man Jameer Nelson may have bailed on him. Who knows what they were practicing, but there have been no Hedo Turkoglu sightings in Las Vegas yet.

Lastly, do not forget that Gulf Shores alum Gerald Green has had ‘Highflyer’ status since his inception as a rookie last season. Gerald is the favorite going into the contest, this passage should give you a hint as to why…

…something honoring the late Red Auerbach. Could Green, who has a 48-inch vertical leap, possibly dunk the ball, retrieve a cigar from atop the backboard, and light it up on the way down?

Just the thought makes me sick with anticipation. Also, expect Paul Pierce to show up for All-Star Saturday and give some service to the Celtics future SG/SF. Odd considering that Paul Pierce hates playing for the future. He has even advocated trading the upcoming Celtics pick for veteran help.

and Second - Dwight Howard MVP

The only scenario in which Dwight Howard does not win MVP is as follows. Gilbert Arenas does some sleuthing and finds out who made up the USA basketball selection committee. He then convinces Mike D’Antoni to add all of them to his coaching staff. Cue 50 point explosion. Seriously though, Dwight Howard is this games MVP for a simple reason… He does not drink alcohol, claims to have never had a drop of it. Additionally, Dwight will get some serious play time, at least by All-Star standards. No surprise here, this announcement is just further added credibility to Shaq’s esteemed reputation.

Thus far, this NBA season has been a calamity of injuries. Did NBA players stop treating anti-inflammatories like sweettarts? I am tempted to stop writing this article and start rampantly buying shares of stock in whoever distributes Naproxen, buy low baby. Here are some of the players who are watching their value skyrocket.

- Earl Boykins - Height is no measure of value as Nels reminded us. If you own Earl, then last week’s trade is your fantasy birthday.

- Gerald Green - *Gulf Shores Houston Tx Shout Out!* Gulf Shores is actually on the other side of the city from my house. But, what the hell, shout outs are always necessary for Houston area prep stars, Rashard Lewis in the House!

At least the Rockets never got a chance to pass on Gerald Green, yes the city has still not forgiven you CD. Gerald posted some good numbers when he stepped on the court, but Doc Rivers was up to his antics; antics is code for terrible coaching. After riding the bench some more Green has gotten another chance due to Tony Allen’s injury. If you have an expendable roster spot then add him.

- Willie Green - Dear Billy King, nice one. You went from Eastern Conference champs to bottom feeders in a few years, I would compare you to the band Puddle of Mudd, but that would be an insult to one of the worst bands of the past five years. Either way, Willie Green is now the number two option, make the best of this trainwreck and pick him up. Honorable mention goes to Louis Williams, you don’t know who he is? Oh, you will in a few years, or at least in a few weeks when i write an article on him.

- Grant Hill/Hedo Turkoglu - Trevor Ariza has been riding both of them Damon Huard style for the past few months. If this injury keeps him out for any amount of time then GH and HT will be worth having in shallow leagues. The only problem both have faced is consistency, not having the youthful Ariza as an off the bench option will keep them both on the court.

Three of my favorite players of the last decade.

- Josh Childress - The afro is seeing some time at the point. Both Speedy Claxton and Tyronn Lue are out so Josh is seeing time in the backcourt. Any time is good time for Josh.

- Nick Collison - 25 and 13, still coming out of nowhere. I guess he just needed time to warm up.

Also, welcome Becks! I can’t wait to see him in action live and to jeer him, though I secretly love him.

or: I should have kept a closer eye on LaMarcus Aldridge since I wanted him on my team and now it’s too late

Danny Granger (Ind - SF,PF) Add
Marvin Williams (Atl - SG,SF,PF) Drop

Something to think about here. Williams game is going downhill, but could bounce back. Granger has been playing well in stretches, and looks like he’s got more potential than Marvin right now.

These next 3 add/drops were all by the same owner. If I can recast the order, I’d say he’s dropping Allen for Green, and Ariza for Collison there. So, there’s the Nick Collison add we were talking about yesterday. Guess it was only a matter of time before someone bit on that lure.

LaMarcus Aldridge (Por - SF,PF,C) Add
Nene Hilario (Den - PF,C) Drop

Gerald Green (Bos - SF,PF) Add
Trevor Ariza (Orl - SF) Drop

Nick Collison (Sea - PF,C) Add
Tony Allen (Bos - PG,SG) Drop

With Jameer Nelson, the Magic had the second worst “best” fantasy player of any NBA team last season. But, unlike the team with the worst best fantasy player (I bet you can guess who they are) things are looking up for the Magic both fantasy-wise and in real life. I could go on about the young talent, the explosiveness, the length, the upside, the great athleticism, but I’ll spare you that pleasure chest. Basically, the Magic have two qualities that make every fantasy owner happy: Actual young talented players and no depth.

2005/2006 Orlando Magic Fantasy Rankings
(2005/2006 per game rank in parenthesis)

(64) Jameer Nelson
(67) Dwight Howard
(71) Hedo Turkoglu
(98) Grant Hill
(162) Tony Battie
(182) Keyon Dooling
(195) Deshawn Stevenson
(245) Darko Milicic
(260) Carlos Arroyo
(266) Trevor Ariza
(298) Pat Garrity
(310) Travis Diener
(312) Bo Outlaw
(331) Anfernee Hardaway
(386) Mario Kasun
(393) Stacey Augmon

Oh yeah, this guy used to be around too.
(91) Steve Francis

You have to love the list of names above. It’s like the Magic found a way to create half their team from 2006 and half from 1996.

I’m guessing no one’s fantasy fortune was won or lost on Magic last year, unless you were leaning way too heavily on Grant Hill and Steve Francis. Howard made a really nice step forward in his second year, Jameer Nelson went ballin outta control for a while (when he wasn’t hurt), and Turkoglu filled in pretty nicely for the artist formally known as Grant Hill. Stevie Franchise started the year off slowly, threw a hissey fit, and then got traded and played even worse for the Knicks. I hear the police have a warrant out for his nickname. Oh yeah, and some very tall guy with strange yellow hair came in towards the end of the season.

STRONG BUY

Dwight Howard – Thank god they don’t let high school players into the draft anymore. I mean, these kids just end up embarrassing themselves. Howard averaged 16 and 12.5 and 1.5 last year and has yet to miss a game to during the past two years. Unless he comes down with Grant Hill disease, Howard is going to be awesome this year. Mark my words.

Darko Milicic – free, FREE! After being traded to Orlando, Darko’s stats went up by about infinity. Just think about how good he would have been if he’d actually been playing the past couple of years. But the only stat that matters to me is 2.1 blocks in 20 minutes. Per 48 minutes, that’s Kirilenko territory.

BUY

Jameer Nelson – The Magic have a lot of point guards, but Nelson got the chance to start last year and just went off. With the Franchise now gone to the nether regions of the NBA, Nelson should at least be able to repeat his good year again, crowded backcourt and all.

JJ Redick – The next Steve Kerr? Probably because they have similar haircuts (they must both go to Supercuts). I don’t have traveling correspondents like Nels, but it appears that Redick’s got a chance to jump right into the starting lineup if his herniated disc heals over the summer (which it should). He’s also got the honorary Christian Laettner invitation to Team USA in 2008. And he apparently had a 42% 3-pt percentage in college, which should translate into some threes next year. My fantasy team doesn’t care about defense, why should yours?

HOLD

Hedo Turkoglu – The Turkish Assassin looks to get the start by default, at least right now. At 30+ minutes, I can stomach his game. He just doesn’t feel like starting material to me though.

SELL

Grant Hill – The 67 games that Grant Hill played in 2004 was enough to convince me to draft him in the 3rd round of the Basketbloggers fantasy league last year. Do not doubt my powers of prediction!

Carlos Arroyo – Two years ago, he was starting for Utah, but that train has passed a long time ago. He only averaged 22 minutes with the Magic last year and there are way too many point guards on this team.

WATCH

Trevor Ariza – He has shown “some flashes of star potential”. Does that get you excited? No, not me either. Also watch for the fact that he might not even be with the Magic much longer.

Like any halfway decent fantasy owner, the Orlando Magic have identified good, young talent and jettisoned overrated “all-stars”. But, getting rid of the old guys and letting the young guys take their place means that the young guys who use to back up the old guys now are starting and have no one to back them up. Got me? That’s really good news for fantasy owners looking for guys with potential, but not so good for, you know, actual, honest-to-goodness real life NBA teams. At least this year. However, there’s plenty of sunshine headin’ their way.

Where I’d pick em (in a 10 team league)
Howard – 4th
Darko – 6th (that’s right – I just did that)
Nelson – 7th
Turkoglu – 9th
Redick – 11th
Ariza – Last round flyer
Hill - DND
Arroyo - DND